In (re)search of an answer

Marie blogged the other day about research. It was a great post but I'd still like to know more about other peoples methods. Do you, or don't you? What does it depend on? Where do you do it? How do you start and more importantly, how do you stop?

My reasons for asking are simple - I spend way too much time researching and use very little of the information that I gather. I love research, I'll research anything and everything, storing these little gems of information to deliver to the unexpecting eaters at the dinner table.

It's a disease, I've realised, I can't stop. At the moment I'm looking up the Mayan calender (complete gobbledegook btw - haven't got me head around it yet!), but did you know how many other calenders have been invented? No, neither do I because I got completely distracted by 'Trepanning' - the art of boring holes in the head and then a neat little crystal was often popped into the gaping wound - fascinating . Then I was on to Pok-a-tok, a nasty little ball game involving blood and other wet parts of the body, where the losers were likely to lose more than the game! Did you know that the Mayans also believed in extra-terrestrials?

Yes, I know, discipline. If I had some in this department I would use it. I have no problem setting aside a block of time to write but can be distracted by the tiniest, juiciest tidbit of information which will lose me hours and hours of precious chaptering. How do I stop???

Witch's cat

Island Monkey posted a picture of a new addition to the household.
Beware IM, he'll grow up into one of these - Owen, sock stealin', toe attackin, Lord of the manor. Rubbish in the spider catching department, he prefers to wait until things drop into his mouth!

Wuss

I took my morning cup of tea outside yesterday morning, settled down for a quick read and there it was. That tang, that je ne sais quoi that hovers in the air announcing that summer is nearly at an end. This can only mean one thing to a wuss like me.....the start of 'The Season of the Spider!'

Better get a move on.......

Don't get me wrong, I love nature, in all its forms, but I just wish that nature had neglected to create things with more than four legs that move in sinister ways.

A few years ago, after a particularly nasty incident involving a renegade arachnid, I decided to take some positive steps. A friend, who had thought it funny to wave a spider in my face after she had picked the horror off the floor, had ended up with vomit all over her lovely new shoes - something had to be done!

I spent the money, and did my time with a hypno-priestess who convinced the inner, Inner Minx that one only has to breathe out in order to conquer ones irrational ideas. It works - to an extent. I can now look at a spider without all my bodily fluids escaping and I can do brave things like placing a pot over said beastie should he venture past my blockades.

So, yesterday was spent in a frenzy of pre-autumnal cleaning and all skirting boards, windows, doorframes sprayed with my 'don't come nowhere near here' concoction of chestnut and clover. I can't kill them you see, they're only little, harmless really - except that big bastard in the downstairs loo who deliberately waits until I'm.................

The Art of Meike de Nooy

Approaching Storm - Meike de Nooy

I first came across Meike's work through Buntifers blog. It took me a while to realise that this waterpolo playing goalie also had hands that could produce some fine pieces of art.
Check out her eclectic site here - links to art at the side.

Lonely Moon - short story competition

My entry is is now up on the very interesting Clarity of Night site.

The closing date is sometime tomorrow (Monday), so get your fingers oiled and have a go!

Thanks to Skint for the link to this one

The Minx Get Rich Quick Scheme

It's quite simple really, just emigrate to the US and find yourself a lawyer!

Here are the results of the 2005 Stella awards (named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who successfully sued McDonalds after spilling hot coffee on herself).




5th Place
19 year-old C. Truman from Los Angeles who won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand. Apparently Truman didn't notice that his neighbour was at the wheel when he was trying to steal the hubcaps!

4th place
J Williams, of Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 after being bitten on the bum by his next door neighbours chained up beagle. The award was less than it might have been because the jury felt that the dog may have been just a little provoked by Mr Williams who had been shooting at it repeatedly with a pellet gun!

3rd place
A Philadelphia resturant was ordered to pay a Ms Carson, of Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument!

2nd place
A Miss Walton, from Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub when she fell from their bathroom window and knocked out her two front teeth. The occured when she was trying to sneak through the window trying to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge! She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses!

1st place
$1,750,000 was awarded to Mrs Grazinski of Oklahoma City after she had crashed her brand new Winnebago. Apparently she had set the cruise control to 70mph and calmly left the drivers seat to make herself a sandwich! Not surprisingly the RV left the road, overturned and crashed.
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around!
(please note - I am now attending 'Moron School' in the evenings).

Anyway here's the English way of dealing with lawyers.....

A lawyer was attending a weekend of Huntin' and Fishin' in the country. He took part in a duck shoot and managed to cop himself a large one. Unfortunately it landed in a field belonging to a neighbouring farmer. As he climbed over the hedge he saw the farmer coming towards him.

"I've just shot that duck, I've come over to get it" he said.

"I think you'll find that the duck belongs to me," the farmer replied "tell you what, we'll use the countryside code of the "three kick rule".

"What's that?"

"I kicks you three times and then you kicks me three times. Then we'll see who gets the duck"

The lawyer weighed up the odds. The farmer looked a bit frail.

"Okay then"

The farmer shuffled over and first planted a hob-nailed boot in the lawyers groin that sent him to the ground. The second landed in his stomach and removed his breakfast. The well placed third took him under the chin and sent his head spinning. Amazingly the lawyer managed to stagger to his feet.

"Right, my turn"

The farmer smiled

"Nah, it's okay, I give up, you can have the duck".

Lookey, lookey here!

Look what arrived today!
Bright, new shiny books from Mr Jones!
Lovely quality, great content and a beautiful blogroll of all his friends!!

Get over there now and buy one for yourself!

The boy done good

"I need a haircut"

"What at five-thirty in the morning?" I said, glancing at the clock and deciding I was definitely still asleep. I pulled the quilt over my head and tried to remember where I was in a particularly vivid dream.

"Mum!"

Big Fecker hasn't got up this early for at least twelve years, it couldn't be him.

"MUM, please, I need a haircut"

Haircuts usually mean trying to impress a girl, a party of immense proportions or a very special ocas......oh yes....I remember......today is the day.

"Have you slept at all?" I asked, crawling from my bed.

"No, not really. Every time I fell asleep it woke me up again".

I looked at his worried face. It was time for a haircut.

"Do you think I'll get any of them" he said as I hacked at his mop (hacking is good btw, no tidy heads for BF).

There were no words, we had gone over and over his worries. His last year at school had been a rocky road, with beer and women burning a hole in his brain more than a Reichstag Fire. Regret had come later, along with two months of fighting to finish coursework and revising things that he didn't seem to have a clue about. It was a swinging pendulum, it could go either way.

I sat in the school car park, alternately praying to a handy God and singing a tuneless song to keep my face from collapsing. Like many kids Big Fecker has had to experience life in order to learn, I just hoped that he had learnt early enough!

I saw him running through the gates, waving the dreaded brown envelope in the air.

"MUM, I got 'em, I got the fucking lot."

Oh shit, now we've got to get through college!!

Beauty in maths - yes really!

I have long been a fan of Fractals - digital, mathematical, mind blowingly clever creations. I don't pretend to understand them - just appreciate the results - enjoy......

For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat two!

There are vegans in the house.

Contrary to popular opinion they have not got more energy than their carnivorous neighbours. My family has been up and about for hours but the two fruit bats are still asleep, snoring their heads off under a feather filled duvet - heh!

They are a seasonal favour, friends of a friend in London, who needed a bed for a couple of nights.
They are a lovely young couple but the first words they uttered were "We're vegan, hope it won't be a problem".

Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly vegetarian myself (I don't process meat too well, so to speak), but I am not adverse to the odd meaty treat in the steak department, but this is taking it to extreme! So far they have grated up a few cabbages and have emptied my fruit basket twice over. They shun hot drinks, in favour of some sort of greeny powder.

My fridge is full of dairy delights and animal offcuts, we like our full cream milk and our bacon with a good slab of fat on it. When I stay anywhere else, I make sure that I have a stock of 'quick foods' that I can replace the meat with and not offend my host.

What did they come with? Nothing, not a bean or a lentil burger in sight! Well no that's not true, they came with a suitcase full of supplements to replace all those natural vitamins and minerals that they are denying themselves!

They are leaving today and I have just found the ideal last supper (see picture above).

Not a scrap of meat in sight and no animal products - I'm sure they will love it!

More than just cheese, apparently.

Took a break from ogling the weirdos in Glastonbury and ended up here at Cheddar, in the Mendips. The highest part of this spectacular gorge is over 500ft making them the highest inland cliffs in Britain. Mad abseiling goats can be seen all over the sheer cliffs along with humans who have lost their marbles - I kept my feet fimly planted on the ancient riverbed, thank you.
Further down the gorge are the showcaves, cathedral-like caverns carved out over a million years by Ice Age meltwaters. The constant temperature of 11 degrees all year made them an ideal place to store the ripening cheese that was made in the valley below. Thankfully that doesn't happen today as I like my cheese without the added bat droppings!
The photo above shows The Three Sisters, one of the higest parts and was taken from the top of a tour bus with added zoom and a crick in the neck!

King Solomon's Temple

When Richard Gough discovered this particular cave in 1890, he dragged his family out of bed in the middle of the night, and they sang hymns until dawn! Incredibly they had electric light, so it wouldn't have looked much different - blew away my romantic thoughts of wavering candlelight.

The visceral earth

The mineral deposits from millions of years of dripping water have made stalactites and stalagmites of incredible proportions. The mix of iron, calcite and lead gave the whole place a 'living' feel, quite eerie.

The Mirror Pool

There were a number of these pools around, the clever lighting gave them a 'fairyland' look. Unfortunately they didn't smell like fairyland, that is unless fairyland smells of rotten eggs!

Mi casa es tu casa?

I knew it was stupid as we pulled away from the house last Friday. The trouble was that if you ran the idea past anybody then they said things like "great, built-in house sitters, lucky you" or "Wow, you must be so relieved". Hmmm....

So here's the theory -

The Candidates - two twenty-nine-year-olds, one blood related in the offspring department to the MD, both in good physical condition, if a little zealous about the type of nourishment they consume . They both possess adequate brain cells to have built their own successful business, own their own home and travel the world regularly.

The job - housesitting one large Victorian establishment and caring for livestock for one week only. Gas and electric supplied, along with fresh fruit and veg for Big Fecker (who had decided that a family holiday was no longer for him) and a month's supply of cat vittles for Owen (obligatory witch's cat). The rules were simple - no parties for the Fecker, empty the bin (I remembered that one from last year!) and do your own laundry!

Simple....or was it?

Well no, apparently it wasn't!
First we had a phone call to say that the front door had broken and all callers were now directed around the back, including the stream of Feckerfriends who had taken up residence ten minutes after we had left. Then the microwave 'blew up' and the cat took himself on a starvation holiday in the rafters of the garage for three days.

After that things got worse! Big Fecker had to put on a train for his own safety and collected from a Somerset town that didn't have a train station (don't ask!). Once back in the bosom of his family, and finally dried out from all the whiskey that he had nicked, we heard that a kitchen cupboard had mysteriously fallen from a great height, and the washing machine had packed up.

I sit here now listening to the swearing from the kitchen as the cupboard is put back together. The front door was not broken, they had just neglected to do the double turny thing with the key and got it jammed half way and the microwave had not 'blown-up' either. They had just mistaken the steam from a rogue potato for that black kind of smoke that you get when things are going horribly wrong in the electrical department! Oh, and the washing machine was stuck on the 'no ironing' programme, which holds it full of water until some bright spark manages to turn the knob!

Yes, thank you for asking, we had a lovely holiday, but next year we shall be employing a housesitter of the professional kind. The present ones will not be 'sitting' in my house again and they will have to find somewhere else to store their dodgy looking 'health' foods!!

Wake up you lot.....

....I'm home and ready for action, so where are you?

Off on me jolly holidays....

...see you on the 18th!