Friday, June 13, 2008

On motherhood


She found that being a mother was not as natural as it sounded. Kids don’t come with an instruction book so she made it up as she went along. The rules were there to be manipulated and she tweaked them constantly, defining the moment and altering their small worlds to suit present conditions.
And they didn’t know any different, so she taught them the difference. She taught them about sameness as well, and about love, always about love, and how to piss your pants from laughing too much.

Can you make a good child out of a bad? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to have to try. She only knew, as only a mother can, that these two that she had grown, were real, live, thinking people. Two small life sponges that could either be filled with light or filled with stuff that could leave a nasty taste in later years.

Honesty and the art of idle chatter were the keys to unlock this mysterious cupboard. She read them stories and talked to them about things that she had no right to talk about, telling them about her own mistakes and listening to their valuable opinions.

When ‘finding yourself’ meant black nail varnish, peroxide and lager, she went shopping, supplied gloves and held the bucket. It was no good just giving advice when it wasn’t needed, they obviously needed to poke their fingers in the fire and it was her role to hand out the bandages until the lesson was learned. She allowed them to grow with a safety net that was full of holes – they would learn to land on the good bits.

And then, suddenly, they were there, these gems. Brilliant, multi-faceted nearly men, full of confident mistakes, full of bullshit and full of life. Her job was not done but there was hope that these gems will be free gems. Free to make honest choices, free to live without regret and free to shine and shine and shine. And they will.

21 comments:

girl with the mask said...

A great take on parenting... I often wonder what my own ids might be like...

fatboysblogg said...
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Debi said...

Your lovely feckers are testament to your instinctive parenting skills.

I think bringing up boys is a particular challenge for a thinking, feeling woman. Your nearly-men are both thoughtful and aware of their own feelings and those of others. Gorgeous too - and you can claim some of the credit for that as well.

You done good, girl!

Minx said...

Kids are like tins that have lost their labels, GWTM, if you ever get to open them up you will find all sorts of things you never expected.

I suppose it depends where the anger is coming from FB - did you piss him off? Kids have bad days as much as we do and have lots to deal with - I suppose you have to always remember what it was like yourself. Failing that you could always try fostering him out!

Not alway thoughtful and not always gorgeous, Debi, and they're not either!!
But thanks anyway - I think we both done good.

fatboysblogg said...
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Cailleach said...

Rough diamonds with all that potential, I love it Minx. Positivity is the part that parents forget sometimes - thanks for reminding me :)))

Minx said...

What is this 'bedtime' that you are talking about, FB?

It is hard to be positive when their music is drowning out yer own, Babs!!

Jon M said...

A good little handbook entry there, Minx. I'm a dad but I'm sure similar rules apply..except why does my eldest son keep telling ME to turn the music down? hmmmm

fatboysblogg said...
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Jan said...

Debi's comment re bringing up boys is great...
They need to appreciate the actual existence of their deeper feelings, need to be brave enough/confident enough to talk about them... to their mums/dads/siblings/mates....rather than merely keep thiughts/emotions/questions/doubts amongst plates under the bed, coffee cups all over the floor, amid the piles ( and piles) of Tshirts and jeans and trainers burgeoning out of the bedroom.. This is, I suppose, where a perceptive parent comes in and it's not easy when you've got lots of other stuff to do...
But boys who can talk about abstracts, emotions make both stronger AND gentler partners for some lucky young woman if they can

Minx said...

Because diddly-diddly music should be played in the pub, Jon.

Bedtime, suppertime, partytime - they all happen when they do.

I really do think that listening to your offspring is the best thing you can do, Jan.
And yes, the piles, we have them - it got so bad once that I tried to sell Big Fecker on ebay (no takers, strangely).

john.g. said...

I do hope that's a baby's arm on the womans chest!

mutleythedog said...

I know having no kids at home all day leaves a lot more time for me and you "Minxy". I promise i have changed and I am desperate for your body...your honey...your warmth. To be frank I will do anything to touch you one more time. Why dont you answer my emails? Why did you change your mobile number?

OK I was not expecting yellow ribbons but I am rock hard for you.....Call me .. I am waiting...

Minx said...

John G - one hopes.

Minx said...

You will have to try harder than that, Muts. I haven't forgotten yer illegal doggy practices but I am finding myself overcome by your ardour. You'd do anything? Well, you know that thing you do - you can do it now!

Roberta said...

My own boys are grown and gone, but with the reculsal that if they ever need to come back...they're in.

Life is so hard for their souls. Harder than when WE had it. Remembering kindness, teaching it as well, strife, confidence, self esteeme.

I'm afraid, a mother's work is never done.

I'm glad it's not.

Roberta said...

I'm sorry for that response. I'm being eaten alive by a mosquito in my office!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bloody bug.

Minx said...

Absolutely right, Roberta - a mothers werk is never and we are (on the whole) glad!

I am sorry you are being eaten alive by mossies, I think I have just been eaten alive by Mutley!

mutleythedog said...

Wanking is no alternative to the other... ahem... would you prefer to take this conversation of line? Or at least of-blog? -people are watching you know or at least reading... I am not sure I like performing in public..oh...wait a moment... there we go...I do!

So whattya gona do now?

fatboysblogg said...
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Minx said...

Muts, your public performances are famous, why stop on my blog???
And what am I going to do? I'm sure the people reading will just turn their backs for a minute while I just do this.....


Glad to hear, FB.