Sunday, January 13, 2008

Pantomime time

There is malice aforethought in Castle Blog. The scene opens in the kitchen where various bloggers are cooking a supper of baked beans and chocolate (nothing too complicated).

Prince Debi (running and stamping) - "Help! Help!"

Princess Taffiny - "What is the matter, Prince Debi, I am trying to write a book."

Prince Debi - "The Evil Minx has kidnapped Professor Vapours and taken him to the land of Tellyvision. What shall we do?"

Countess Roberta - "Oh good, can we all go, I've always wanted 40 inches?"

Everyone - No!

Nothingman - "We shall need some magick words, where is Baron Wordcarver?"

Jon the Vacuum - "He says he's got the flu but I think he found the gin and is under the sink."

Babs the Bard - "I sent in Verilion to get him out but she appears to have wandered off."

Prince Debi (slapping booted thigh) - "well get Atyllah the Hen on the case and Handmaid can lend a hand." - ( laughs at own joke).

Atyllah the Hen - "I can't see him, we need some moonlight in here."

Mutley appears with a radio active howler monkey - "The Moon has toppled and is on strike somewhere out there in the onion field. If you squeeze the monkey he will emit enough light to find Baron Wordcarver."

Atyllah the Hen - "I don't think he's in there. Call for the Royal Wizard and Seamus the Wise".

There is a flash and a rather weedy puff of smoke. The Wizard Pundyman appears with John G, a bottle of whiskey in both hands. Seamus the Wise has got waylaid by a bunch of literary lions.

Pundy - "We were in the Publog, what do you want?"

Princess Taff tells them what has happened.

John G - "You don't need a pissed wizard, call the Royal artists, they can draw you a magick blogbus to take you to the land of Tellyvision. Now, can we get back to the Publog, I was telling Pund this joke...."

Meloney Lemon - "Err, they went on a secret mission with Red Dirt Girl."

Soubriquet scrys in the frying pan - "They are buying pointy shoes in Milan. I will get them back."

Another more elaborate flash brings Lucy, Leslie and Loretta back to the castle.

Hoodie - "Nice heels, girls, but we need your artistic skills."

The coven of artists set about painting a huge bus on one of Loretta's massive canvas's. Leslie argues about the need for a fairy or two on the side but soon, with a little Pundy magick and a few illegible words from a gin soaked Baron Wordcarver, a very rickety bus comes to life.

Prince Debi (slapping thigh again) - "right, everyone aboard. Count them in Jan, we don't want to lose anyone."

The Vesper Girls - "I think we already did, someone left the Doors Open and that Japing Ape has made off with Wife in the North."

Prrincess Taffiny - "Never mind them, we are off to liberate Professor Vapours and save him from the evils of Tellyvision and that bloody Minx....."

The scene switches to a very comfortable front room. The Evil Minx and Professor Vapours are sprawled out on the sofa and have just finished watching series 4981 of Scrubs.

Professor Vapours - "Do you think they will try and find us soon? I'd like to watch some of your English soaps next."

The Evil Minx reaches for her crystal ball which has rolled under the sofa. She spits on it, rubs it on her sleeve and peers into it with her one good eye.

Evil Minx - " Wouldn't have thought so, they appear to be on some sort of bus, Prince Debi is navigating and Mutley is driving. They have already taken a wrong turn and are off to Bridport, I shouldn't think they'll be here until sometime next century."

Professor Vapours- "Oh goody, now put the kettle on, we've just got time to watch the whole series of American Idol again."

The Evil Minx crys into her tea - how did her cunning plan go so horribly wrong?




Debi said...

Not sure why I'm a prince but I like the boots. Now, this is what I call a party ...

*slaps hand on booted thigh again just cos she loves the sound of flesh on leather*

Unknown said...

Kinky, Princey!

Do the Merkans have pantomimes?

S. Kearney said...

Hahaha. I'm glad I was away with the lions, so as not to be responsible for all of that. And whoever did the costumes ought to be knighted! :-)

Roberta said...

....only 40 inches?

Hoodie said...

How delightful!

Thanks for inviting me to the party, you clever Minx.

Yodood said...

Kidnapping seems the least of it, dear Minx, what with the obvious brainwashing undergone and all. But, aha, me detects untold benefits for which I would fake such fondness for the supersized soul sucker. I won't tell if you don't and thanks for the imaginings.

Debi, that's flesh on leather on flesh to be deliciously correct.

Unknown said...

Who said panto season was over? I always thought there was something suspect about them magic buses...

Unknown said...

Looking good in tights, Shamey!!

Don't be greedy, Roberta.

You're welcome, Hoodie - I like a good blog party.

Our wondrous tellyvision would be gilt edged of course, G&G.

It ain't over 'til the fat bird sings, Cailleach. You can boo and hiss officially until the end of Jan.

L.M.Noonan said...

That crystal ball of yours works a treat Minxy...can you tell me if I'll be flogging off the family jewels at the Sunday markets or will I finally be discovered by Mr Saatchi and get a show in New York?
Thanks for the divine inspiration, I think I have one double decker bus-sized canvas left. Will I paint you fanging a beer in the back or gracing the roof a la 'Pricilla, queen of the desert'?

Taffiny said...

What great fun.
I am a Princess, a Princess, a Princess!
And I finally have my Prince.
Um er, has parts a little bit different than those I had expected, but, no matter, a Prince is a Prince.

Anonymous said...

Buying pointy shoes in Milan with a coven of artists, was I?
And here I thought that it was just my hard drive that had died for more than a week, and that I had to call on the preternatural powers of electrical reasoning of one handsome resident king to restore me to my blogging dominion of enchantment...
Silly me.
(Did I manage to purchase matching handbags for the pointy shoes?)

Unknown said...

Need you ask, Noony> I am Priscilla incarnate.

That's a pantomime Prince for you, Taffiny. Girls will be boys, and boys will be ugly sisters. It's an English thing.

I am so glad you had the King Hardrive to hand, Leslie. I had to put up with Frank and Bob from British Telecom to get me up and running again.

Vesper said...

And that's why there is a little award awaiting for you at my blog, my dear Evil Minx... :-)

Anonymous said...

He is going to love the name King Hardrive! I can't wait to tell him...

Unknown said...

Glad I wandered back to read this! Now wouldn't it be funny if we did act it out.