Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Royal Drawers

Sometimes in my quiet times
I have to stop and pause
and wonder what the queen is wearing
- especially her drawers

Does she own some special underthings?
(I imagine they'd be decent)
For outings such as Ascot
And the opening of parliament

I'm sure she'd have some tartan ones
with all the Scottish reeling,
and ones with yappy corgis on
it may be just a feeling, but

does she have some riding ones?
Adorned with horse and hoof
and frenchy ones for holidays
I suppose we'll never know the truth

Black lace, of course, for funerals
with matching royal hose
and an order of the garter
(Philip rather fancies those).

And what about the Knighthoods
presenting prizes to the winners
I expect she's got built-in pockets
with mints for after dinner

And she must have special 'sailing' drawers
QE2 pants, oh so cute
and matching 'fliers' to include: a place
to hold a parachute

There is one thing I think she would not own
no rubber, and no thong
and the queen in printed tiger skin
is a vision that is wrong

I think she would have pastel pants
in pink and palest peach
except for her seasonal ones, red,
to deliver a Xmas speech

Did Norman Hartnell match them
to all her splendid outfits?
warm and snug
a royal hug
to cover all her bits

I really must control myself
my mind it does just flicker
on all those less important thoughts
....and poor old Queenie's knickers.



Unknown said...

So what's your rating now Minx?

Anonymous said...

Dear Madam

It has come to my attention that you have been discussing my knickers on a public forum.

This is a very serious issue - my subjects should not have time or energy left at the end of the day to worry about such matters of state.

Please report to the Tower tomorrow morning at 9am where you will be awarded the Order of the Bloody Eejit and sentenced to ten years hard labour in the Royal laundry.

John said...

We are amused.

Unknown said...

Oh Ma'am, sorry Ma'am, won't happen again, Ma'am.
Umm, while you're here, I don't suppose you'd like to comment on yer 'Trooping of the Colour' knickers - just wondering......

Sorry V, thought I'd better answer Miss Grumpy Knickers first - rating is still the same. I don't think the people who do this rating actually read yer blog at all - tut!

Watch it, John, Her Maj will be after you next for impersonating the Royal 'we'.

Unknown said...

Not many skidmarks there then!

Unknown said...

Oh yurk, John G!

Jon M said...

Minx is as versatile as a egg! or was that coronation...or was that carnation? oh darnation!

Roberta said...

Minx. I do not fear the Queen. I do however have to go change my own "knickers" after reading this.

How'd you know I needed a good laugh?

Gorilla Bananas said...

This poem is full of deliberate bloomers!

Unknown said...

This poem is a load of codswallop really and it nearly got me chucked out of the wimmins institoot! But don't you ever get these little thoughts, these little invasive questions that just don't leave you alone?

Roberta said...

Hell yess....but I'm afraid if I wrote about George Bush I'd end up in jail with trumped up charges!

Jeeez. This used to be America!

L.M.Noonan said...

Sometimes I really worry about you Minxy.
Everybody knows she wears no knickers at all,. How else can she savour all that air being blown up her bum.

Unknown said...

Roberta, I would direct you to the Wordcarver (links to the side) - his post about (Georgie Porgie)Bush yesterday made me wet MY knickers!

I think you might be right, Noony, but I didn't want to write a poem about the the Queen's bum! There again.....

Debi said...

Ha! I remember as a kid the first time I realised the queen must use the toilet. I tried and tried to imagine her sitting on the bog with her knickers round her ankles but my imagination failed me ...

I can now visualise it so much better after reading this post.

Consider yourself well and truly decorated (which could be a post in itself) for services to Blogdom.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, Minx!

Jon M said...

I did here an urban legend about someone stealing the Queen's turd from a bog in the royal takers?

Unknown said...

Minx - the wimmins institoot? You, with your reputation? what were they thinking?

I loved this. You could get this published ye know, if you chose yer market carefully ;)

Unknown said...

Debi, that works at interview as well, but I am still not comfortable thinking about Queenie on the lav!

Thank you, Clare!

Is it surprising, Jon? Still, you can sell anything on Ebay.

Yay, didn't go down too well with WI, can't imagine why not, Cailleach!
Published? You're 'avin' a larf!

Unknown said...

No - a lot of mags do like 'umour.

If its good enough for Pam Ayres...

Debi said...

She's right, y'know ...

Meloney Lemon said...

On the subject of celebrity pants - David Beckham wears a NEW pair of Calvin Klein boxers EVERY day. I know this is true because I read it in a newspaper.