Ask Minx

Yes, you're sympathetic agony aunt is here to answer your questions.
Leave them in the comments box and I'll get back to when I feel like it, ( as long as I've got nothing better to do, that is!).

Oh look here's the first twa, err, poor desperate young man....

Dear Minx,
My name is Skint and I'm a blogaholic - I get through tens of thousands of wonderful words everyday - and I feel compelled to comment on them all - sometimes I just can't find the words to comment and I have to leave feeling empty and guilty.
It's getting so bad that when I've gulped down my regular supply of blogs, I have to go searching the vast city of blogdom for more. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, I have to seek them out, often coming back exhausted in the early hours.
I just need more time in the day, can you recommend a potion to keep me awake for longer, or enable me to read faster

Help

Skint Writer

Minx says....

Dear Mr Writer,

do not despair, there is a very simple solution to this very common problem you have.

I personally would set up two computers, side by side, and quickly become ambiwotnot. By having two computers on the go you can satisfy this 'commenting diarrhoea' that you are so clearly suffering from!

And yes, there is a potion on the market - it is called 'Red Bull' and I am surprised that a blogger of your stature has not gratefully turned to this wonderful elixir.

Of course, you must remember that there is only ONE blog worth commenting on...need I say more?

Oh dear, here's another one in peril...

Dear Minx,

My wife has just run off with Ivor iMac down the road and I am left feeling so inadequate. I know that I should have provided more bytes, and my memory is not what it used to be. I tried hard with my little Dell and still she wanted more.

Please help, I want her back

Delwyn Tinydell (by email)

Minx says....

Dear Mr Tinydell,

what can I say? She won't come back now that she has had a taste of bigger and better things- her apple has been plucked, so to speak. He has obviously found a way into her permanent files, filled up her cookies and left her panting for more.

It is time to move on Tinydell - it's no good crying over poor equipment. Go forth, spend some dosh and get yourself a custom jobby with a couple of routers. Women are impressed with things like that - it worked for me!

Oh Gawd, Alper's got a problem......

Dear Minx

My name is Debi and I'm a blogaholic.

I know it's bad for me but I just can't stop. Now there's a conspiracy in the ether that's messing with my habit and I just don't know if it's a test of my resolve and I should just hang on in there or if it's a message and I should heed or die.

Please help me, I'm desperate

Debi

Minx says.....

Hi Debi, my name is Minx and I am too....no help there then!

I have tried not to blog wearing me habit as the flagella get caught in the keys, but there you are. I am not sure if it is a test of your resolve but I do know that it was a test of my stamina - you produced the longest sentence that I have read all week!

'Heed or die' sounds like a fantastic title for your new book, and please don't be desperate, so un-becoming in a lady!!

Gird your loins, here comes another bleedin nuisance...

Dear Minx

For the past month or so, I've suffered intensley from blog withdrawal. My flesh has crept (luckily I was able to creep after it), my eyes have crossed, my nails have frittered and my toes have curled.

Just as I had started to believe that my addiction was under control, the blogosphere once again allowed my participation and the old symptoms of addiction are returning.

I'm trying to keep things under control but I'm afraid that if I stop blogging my toes will curl again. I'm not too concerned about the other problems but as a committed shoe-a-phile curled toes make pretty shoes rather difficult to wear. It's a dilemma that's ruining my life

Please help

Yours lovingly

Sharon Buttdip

Minx says.....

Dear SB,

Apart from having a rather unfortunate name, I have to tell you that you have got completely the wrong idea about your symptoms. This is nothing to do with being a bloggyholic. The simple fact of the matter is that you have been hexed.

Here is the cure.....

First find out who you think it might be and then snip off a few strands of hair when they are not looking. These need to be mixed with a handful of helsbane, a quart of horse urine (fresh), two ladles of soured squid milk and a couple of apple pips. Not sure what to do with it but I'm sure you'll figure it out.

(recipe courtesy of a Hedgewitch I know)