Monday, September 11, 2006

Ask Minx

Yes, you're sympathetic agony aunt is here to answer your questions.
Leave them in the comments box and I'll get back to when I feel like it, ( as long as I've got nothing better to do, that is!).

Oh look here's the first twa, err, poor desperate young man....

Dear Minx,
My name is Skint and I'm a blogaholic - I get through tens of thousands of wonderful words everyday - and I feel compelled to comment on them all - sometimes I just can't find the words to comment and I have to leave feeling empty and guilty.
It's getting so bad that when I've gulped down my regular supply of blogs, I have to go searching the vast city of blogdom for more. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, I have to seek them out, often coming back exhausted in the early hours.
I just need more time in the day, can you recommend a potion to keep me awake for longer, or enable me to read faster


Help
Skint Writer
Minx says....
Dear Mr Writer,
do not despair, there is a very simple solution to this very common problem you have.
I personally would set up two computers, side by side, and quickly become ambiwotnot. By having two computers on the go you can satisfy this 'commenting diarrhoea' that you are so clearly suffering from!
And yes, there is a potion on the market - it is called 'Red Bull' and I am surprised that a blogger of your stature has not gratefully turned to this wonderful elixir.
Of course, you must remember that there is only ONE blog worth commenting on...need I say more?
Oh dear, here's another one in peril...
Dear Minx,
My wife has just run off with Ivor iMac down the road and I am left feeling so inadequate. I know that I should have provided more bytes, and my memory is not what it used to be. I tried hard with my little Dell and still she wanted more.
Please help, I want her back
Delwyn Tinydell (by email)
Minx says....
Dear Mr Tinydell,
what can I say? She won't come back now that she has had a taste of bigger and better things- her apple has been plucked, so to speak. He has obviously found a way into her permanent files, filled up her cookies and left her panting for more.
It is time to move on Tinydell - it's no good crying over poor equipment. Go forth, spend some dosh and get yourself a custom jobby with a couple of routers. Women are impressed with things like that - it worked for me!
Oh Gawd, Alper's got a problem......
Dear Minx
My name is Debi and I'm a blogaholic.
I know it's bad for me but I just can't stop. Now there's a conspiracy in the ether that's messing with my habit and I just don't know if it's a test of my resolve and I should just hang on in there or if it's a message and I should heed or die.
Please help me, I'm desperate
Debi
Minx says.....
Hi Debi, my name is Minx and I am too....no help there then!
I have tried not to blog wearing me habit as the flagella get caught in the keys, but there you are. I am not sure if it is a test of your resolve but I do know that it was a test of my stamina - you produced the longest sentence that I have read all week!
'Heed or die' sounds like a fantastic title for your new book, and please don't be desperate, so un-becoming in a lady!!
Gird your loins, here comes another bleedin nuisance...
Dear Minx
For the past month or so, I've suffered intensley from blog withdrawal. My flesh has crept (luckily I was able to creep after it), my eyes have crossed, my nails have frittered and my toes have curled.
Just as I had started to believe that my addiction was under control, the blogosphere once again allowed my participation and the old symptoms of addiction are returning.
I'm trying to keep things under control but I'm afraid that if I stop blogging my toes will curl again. I'm not too concerned about the other problems but as a committed shoe-a-phile curled toes make pretty shoes rather difficult to wear. It's a dilemma that's ruining my life
Please help
Yours lovingly
Minx says.....
Dear SB,
Apart from having a rather unfortunate name, I have to tell you that you have got completely the wrong idea about your symptoms. This is nothing to do with being a bloggyholic. The simple fact of the matter is that you have been hexed.
Here is the cure.....
First find out who you think it might be and then snip off a few strands of hair when they are not looking. These need to be mixed with a handful of helsbane, a quart of horse urine (fresh), two ladles of soured squid milk and a couple of apple pips. Not sure what to do with it but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
(recipe courtesy of a Hedgewitch I know)

19 comments:

skint writer said...

Dear Minx,

my name is skint and I am a blogaholic - I get through tens of thousands of wonderful words every day - and I feel compelled to comment on them all - sometimes I just can't find the words to comment and I have to leave feeling empty and guilty

it's getting so bad that when I've gulped down my regular supply of blogs I have to go searching the vast city of the blogdom for more

it doesn't matter what time of day or night it is I have to seek them out, often coming back exhausted in the early hours

I just need more time in the day or can you recommend a potion to keep me awake for longer or to enable me to read faster?

help

Debi said...

Dear Minx,

My name is Debi and I'm a blogaholic.

I know it's bad for me but I just can't stop. Now there's a conspiracy in the ether that's messing with my habit and I don't know if it's a test of my resolve and I should just hang on in here or if it's a message and I should I heed or die ...

Please help. I'm desperate ...

Lee said...

Minx, you've missed your calling. We need to get this syndicated. I've got excellent connections to the Aldebaran News Service, and Alpha Centauri United Press have already sent in a request. And then there's the Wolf-Rayet galaxy...

Minx said...

That's all very well Lee, but where is your problem? You must have a liddle biddy one somewhere!

Look out - 'Debi' is up later - got to feed the starvin' hoards first....and, of course, do some work on me tome!

Sharon J said...

Dear Minx,

For the past month or so I've suffered intensely from blog withdrawal. My flesh has crept (luckily I was able to creep after it), my eyes have crossed, my nails have frittered away and my toes have curled.

Just as I had started to believe my addiction was under control, the blogosphere once again allowed my participation and the old symptoms of addiction are returning.

I'm trying to keep things under control but am afraid that if I stop blogging, my toes will curl again. I'm not too concerned about the other problems but as a comitted shoe-a-phile (that's comitted as in dedicated, not as in sectioned), curled toes make pretty shoes rather difficult to wear. It's a dilemma that's ruining my life.

Please help.

Yours lovingly,
Sharon ButtDip

Sharon J said...

Look... it's even doing my head in so badly that my spelling's gone all over the place! HELP ME NOW!!!

Atylllah said...

Dear Minx

I am neither a blogaholic nor do I suffer from blog withdrawal, so my question is of a different nature. Can you please inform me, a visitor to your planet, just why it is that humans become so addicted to blogging? Also, can you tell me why some humans, your good and worthy self excluded, think the rest of the world might want to read about their family gatherings, their children's successes and other minor and mind-numbing occurences - especially when the planet is in dire need of saving. Surely their energies would be put to better use elsewhere - and I do not mean more procreation!

Yours respectfully
Atyllah The Hen
(Novapulse)

Anonymous said...

Well we could start up a Blogaholics Anonymous group. We could hold meetings at a different boring blog each week. Part of the treatment would involve having to read all the previous posts on the boring blogs. The ones about Kitty Cat's terrible bout of diarrhoea, or about the granny who came for tea and brought brilliant koeksusters for everyone, or about the death of poor Rex.

We'd be cured after that. I'm sure of it.

Minx said...

Hi Saleeha,
blognapping on a grand scale, I like it!

Would you mind explaining 'brilliant koeksusters' for us please, it sounds delightfully rude!

Thanks for your question Atyllah, I will come back to you on that one, but a bit sad that we cannot discuss a bit of procreation!

can't say said...

sad, sad, sad, sad sad people. you are very very very very very sad times 10

Minx said...

I am hoping that when the football season really gets underway that the nuisance above will go back to watching the TV and stop ANNOYING ME!!

Gabriele C. said...

Hi Minx,
since you have this Beta Blogger, my Microcrap Internet Exploder pops up a little window that warns me I tread on unsafe territory when I try to comment on your blog. How serious should I take that warning, and is Blogger aware of the fact that Microcrap seems to be prejudiced against the new Beta version? Maybe it's jealousy on part of Microcrap since it's quite some time they upgraded Internet Exploder.

Saaleha said...

Koeksusters? Nah, they're perfectly harmless (excluding the unfortunate effect they can have on your hips) and rather delicious. Spiced doughnuts, would be the nearest equivalent.

Cailleach said...

gabriele c. - it's time to dump Microcarp for Mozilla Firefox - that's not another moniker for our cute and foxy Minx, but an internet browser that actually does what it says on the brow.

Anyone got any other problems? No VD or STDs?

BTW Minx my problem is that I need to lose about twenty stone of children. I have thought of sending them to outer space, but they might come back. Any ideas?

Minx said...

Eboy!

Maxine said...

Hi Minx - delayed in sharing my problems because of "technical problems" with my computer.

My name is Petrona and I just don't have enough time to write my blog or even read the rich fruits of the blogosphere to find things to write about. What's more, my computer keeps shtting down and running slow, so I have to read books or watch films instead -- and I am sure all my blog friends will ignore me as I've just been on a 2 week holiday so they probably think I've gone off the whole thing.

Can you help?

MD (in disgrace) said...

to gabriele c - the non secure items are just the little pictures next to the name of each person in the comment box. They show as such because the rest of the site is protected with encryption.......basically meaning the beta blogger site is more secure than the original blogger. In real people talk it means just ignore it and click "yes" in the pop up...or if you are really paranoid, click "no" and you will still be able to read the comments. Hope this helps!

PS I only looked this up because I got told off for my apparently "typically juvenile" comment yesterday!

Gabriele C. said...

Thanks, md. Since I don't take Microcrap any serious, I always clicked ignore anyway, but it's nice to know why exactly something stupid is happening. :)

No need to cross the Alpes and present yourself to Minx, barefoot and in a monk's habit. She didn't ban you from her blog. :)

It's an allusion to an exhibiton I visited today. King Henry IV of Germany had to do exactly that after the pope banned him in 1076. Since in the Middle Ages no one could have contact with an excommunicated (or risking to get banned himself), Henry basically lost his job as king.

I did not take offense.

Minx said...

Hmm, I suppose he's trying to be helpful......

Maxine I am helping by popping into your blog on a regular basis, the same as all me links do. You are loved, wanted, needed and never ignored!