Description of product:-
A bargain priced, man-sized Big Fecker!!
Appearance - Large hairy type, pierced eyebrow, scruffy head with a wicked pair of eyes.
Sex - definitely male and already displaying the immature traits of his sire.
Hormone status - raging
Habits - nocturnal but has been know to rise mid-afternoon to answer the call of a wave.
Beerpig status - still maturing, practises frequently
Maintenance -
Hair gel consumption - high
Phone card - high
Water use - low
Food intake - sporadic and poorly timed
A BF comes with free accessories:- unmade bed, 90% of all household coffee cups, aromatic washing that hasn't seen the light of day for six months.
Add-ons - This model comes with 'The Big Fecker Social Club' - attachments of varying styles who make themselves at home anywhere and are also able to sleep on anything.
Extras include:- The Big Fecker Maintenance Kit
Gas mask
Barbeque tongs (for sock fishing)
Odour eliminator spray
BUY NOW - and receive another identical model in three years time!!
15 comments:
Now, he's gonna be cross about this post!
I'll take him! I know enough about the product to recognize a jewel. I remember that sweet moment when you dropped him off on his birthday and I remember him rescuing you with a bogus phonecall when the neighbour had you trapped. Do you think you might be persuaded to supply a picture of the offering, though?
Oh Goddess Sandstorm, you mean they come back??
The 'jewel' is not out of bed long enough for photo Susan.
He can be gorgeous and we share a sense of humour that wanders into the distance, but his habits? Definitely didn't get them from me...I blame the father (for all their bad traits), he didn't get them from me, did he?
This is hysterical - hysterical! And I think I'm going to make my own sign and plant it in my front garden, just like a house agent's.
(Can you tell that I'm on teenager no. 5? And yes they come back, but not always alone...)
Steve,
'Laundry' has become a dirty word in my household - no one can mention it with impunity.
I always knew my 8 and 11 yr old were highly intelligent and precocious - I can already relate to this. That probably makes me a b-a-d parent since they're at an age when I'm supposed to ensure they're NOT like this - at least in the sock and washing dept. I'm just bowing to the inevitable ...
Might as well. About age 12, just close their door and don't even look in there for a few years. It goes away, but it takes time.
Well, that's it then, I have gone past the point where temporary fostering would have been acceptable so there's nothing else for it.....
...come to think of it, I could make a killing with this one if I marketed well....
"Sell your kids on Eboy"
...has a ring to it don't you think?
Minx, you've made me laugh, a lot, yet again! And again, when you came back with the Eboy comment!
How about waiting the three years and offering a BOGOF? People do like a bargain...
I'll ask my daughter whether she'd like him for Christmas.
Maybe could do an "exchange visit" with a certain teenage girl?
Hmm, maybe not Maxine.
Small Fecker has just hit 13 and is displaying early signs that he is following in the family tradition, she wouldn't be safe.
Actually, Minx, do you think you could make me up a sign too? I've got a giant, economy pack - nineteen feet of men - and I'm ready to deal!
This does not bode well! Eldest fecker is 13 and beginning to emerge with characteristics that you mention - what worries me is the other five feckers!
Do I get some sort of graduation/survival badge when they all feic off?
I now think fondly back to the days when I was knee deep in nappies and soothers, a breeze in comparison to the future that awaits...
You did it five times, are you mental Cailleach, or just a tad sloppy?
Think you will deserve a monument, never mind a badge!!
Eboy looks like a runner then!!
LOL! Five times and one of them I got two for the price of one. I think I fall into the latter category... definitely very careless...!
People do sound astonished when I admit it, but here in Ireland the last generation of women regularly did figures like this, because it was the 'correct Catholic' thing to do. So, in all fairness, I'm not unique, just stoopit.
Ah, shure it cud be worse! They're all healthy and very intelligent - they didn't lick that up from the floor :¬)
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