Saturday, July 15, 2006

Bad Mother

These kids, they didn't come with a manual, did they? I had to make it up as I went along - skilled in some areas and completely crap in others.

I am, on the whole, a rotten mother.....

I taught them to argue their rights, to stand up for what they believed in. They don't listen most of the time, but when they do, they get in trouble at school.
I threw out their homework and showed them the beauty of trees at dawn instead.
I let them eat chips in bed and gave them a designated drawer for their porn.
I told them that 'Rap' was dross and gave them The Sex Pistols, Pucini and Billy Holiday.
I kept them up late talking, and let them watch unsuitable programmes.
I listen to their problems and let them work out their own solutions.
I let them sleep on the beach and laugh at stupid things.

How can I complain when they turn out just like me?


Susan said...

It's a crap job we've got actually, a "life sentence" as my neighbour once put it. If you do a good enough job, they don't thank you for it and chances are they'll thumb their noses at you. Of course we don't want to raise emotional cripples, so we put up with way too much. I was seeing red today because my son told me to f-off when I commented on his snacking habits. He's not that bad a kid normally, but where on earth do they get the idea that mothers are for abusing? Treat 'em with respect and you don't get any yourself... she said, gnashing her teeth.

Unknown said...

Sorry Minx I think there must be a typo in that last post; you meant to say 'pretty God damn fabulous' didn't you?

Anonymous said...

Wish you were the rule, Minx, and not the exception.

Maxine Clarke said...

I like your post, Minx, as a fellow BM.

But is Minx the exception? I am a BM, not in the exact way Minx is but in my own individual way. I believe and hope that plenty of other people don't "fit in" current society's fashions and do their own parental thing.

And as Susan says, the expression is "a mother's place is in the wrong". Blamed for what goes wrong and not credited for what goes right!

Actually I am not as cynical as the immediately preceding paragraph might imply --- although we have our conflicts my children haven't reached the endpoint of the previous paragraph. (yet?)

Anonymous said...

I've been writing for teenagers since I was barely out my teens myself. They are great and they are horrible.

Wouldn't want one of my own.

Sounds like you've done alright to me.

Unknown said...

I didn't write this post for compliments - I really do worry how I've brought them up. I wasn't brought up like this myself. My own parents were far more conventional and I can't remember a time when they stayed up all night playing guitar with me!
The Fecker's think it's all good, but how are they going to be when they get older? Will my 'everyone has their own journey' theory on life come back and bite them/me on the ass!
Susan, the Feckers don't tell me to fuck-off because they know, at a later date, that they would get pins in their socks or yoghurt in their bed! And as for snacking - hide the chocolate in the freezer veg bags, they don't tend to go in there very often unless the instructions say "microwave for three minutes".

Susan said...

I don't know, Minx, I'm starting to feel somewhat disenchanted with the enlightened approach to parenting. I wasn't treated too well myself as a youngster so I raised my own children respecting them as human beings with rights. It hasn't worked out wonderfully. I mean, it's not a total loss, but there is a tendency on their part to think that the world actually does revolve around them. And 'respect', forget that! Too late now for me - maybe not for you.

Debi said...

I do understand your fears, dear magical Minxyness, but the fact that you question whether you've got it 'right' (can anyone define that for me, please?) speaks volumes.

It's the people who strut round like they've bottled the good parenting formula, who are fooling themselves.

We're all subject to bouts of high anxiety. But then one of your offspring comes out with something so bright, so astute, so wise, so balanced, so bloody RIGHT ON - and then you think, 'I must be doing something right ...'

On the other hand, if kids need to rebel against their parents (which is how we ended up as we are) I'm scared ours will become irredeemably STRAIGHT!

Unknown said...

The world does revolve around them Susan, and it has to until they decide to reverse the process (mainly when they have children of their own, I think).
I didn't grow up until I was in my thirties, not even sure that I'm grown up now - is this a bad thing?

'Straight' Debi - Goddess forbid!!!

Susan said...

No, it's not a bad thing at all. My concern is more along the lines of a question - Are people who have experienced being the centre of the universe even capable of relinquishing that position when they have children of their own? Unfortunately I've only just asked myself this question and it comes at a time when I've also been examining a family history. The family history suggests to me that perhaps the best-parented children become poor parents themselves. This is not a very cheerful comment and I'm sure you'll be 'off' me now, so I'll just go away quietly...

Unknown said...

Don't be silly Susan, I don't go 'off' anyone.
This is your perspective and sometimes we are to close to the woods to see the trees.
I could give you a hundred different examples of bad parenting, write a thesis on child abuse and bad management. The sins of the mother/father do not necessarily follow on. We should always remember that we are all on our own path, we make of our beginings what we will. Unconditional love is a bitch isn't it?