Today I have a bad attack of the miseries. I should probably not be anywhere near my blog in case I infect anyone with my twenty-four hour depression. I suppose I am suffering from post-interview syndrome, tired, drained and left in the lurch until next week. To cap it all I had another cold, impersonal 'thanks but no thanks' from a lit agent who had hung onto my beloved for five months.
What am I to do? Where am I going wrong? How do I get my pointy boot in the door?
The trouble is that you never know where you are going wrong.
Was the cover letter too much, too little, too bright, too dull?
Was the synopsis a 'grab em by the throat' or a damp squib?
Did I say enough about myself?
I'm not going to say anything about the actual manuscript because if I lose faith in that I may as well give up now.
Give me a hint, a tiny clue!
At least at interview I got a chance to prove myself face to face, blinding them with my glowing credentials and my sparkling personality. I know how to tackle an application form but I have discovered that I would rather write a hundred books than write one measly covering letter.
That is not to say that I have not poured my heart and soul into it, far from it. I have slaved into the night to produce a letter than would convince God himself that I was worthy of an Angelhood.
I wish that agents would say something, anything that would help you one way or another. Just a teeny-weeny message in the corner would do.
I have come to the conclusion that:
1. I need a famous person/known author to be my bestest friend.
2. Famous person must also be on intimate terms with agent or publishing house
3. Famous person needs to drop my name every five minutes at famous people gatherings
4. Famous person must be a) famous, or b) have large breasts and a bad auto-biography
So if you are an FP, come hither and meet your new best friend. I will forever be indebted and will run your fan club, clean your house, wash your knickers and supplicate myself every time you walk into the room. Just give me a leg up and shove me to the front of the queue and I promise I'll dedicate the first one to you!