Saturday, April 19, 2008

Conditioner

"Ladies and gentlemen, the train now standing at platform 1 is just having a little snooze and will be leaving just as soon as it is ready. We apologise for the inconvenience."

I would like to be more inconvenient but my head conditioner thinks that waking up at 6.30 every morning is the thing to do. I have tried giving myself a good talking to, turning the foul alarm off and staying awake until the wee small hours - but my mind is a temple to the Holy Timetable and suggests that Saturday morning should be savoured from the start.

Grrrr.


Before children (B.C) my body overruled my work ethic, leaving me to catch up on the missing sleep and make the repairs necessary for a line-free face. What happened?

The Holy Timetable is responsible, of course. That inner git who can't remember that it is Saturday and that the worky constraints of the week have been lifted. It thinks I want to get up and do a spot of home work.
Big Fecker has no trouble sleeping through a number of meals (hoovering, house demolition, end of the world etc) and rising just in time to enjoy the sunset. When exactly did I lose this talent? When did I kick this wonderful habit and replace it with a need to experience the dawn of a Saturday morning?

I am therefore placing a hex, an embargo, a giant sized fatwa on Saturday mornings - any suggestions, apart from the use of illegal drugs (well...) will be gratefully received.


28 comments:

soubriquet said...

I am an expert sleeper. I can, and will sleep until sunset, given the chance. I think I am really nocturnal, I used to like, when self-employed, those night-time call-outs, those jobs that can only be done when the station/factory/store/leisure centre is closed and the rest of the world is asleep.
Meandering home in the dewy dawn, watching the first glimmers of gold light up the eastern sky, watching the cows wading through shallow seas of mist, the first lights coming on in farmhouse windows, nodding to the early milkman, passing the overnight parked up trucker, yawning, shaving in his truck's mirror.
Dawn: I love it. I've heard a rumour that it happens every day. How ridiculous.

john.g. said...

More alcohol!

Minx said...

Soub, apart from the fact that you have given me no advice I will still bow to a comment that outdoes the original post - thank you.

John G - yes.

handmaiden said...

Ha! Good luck! That's all I have to say.

Minx said...

Thank you, Handmaiden, I have faith that I will eventually overcome this affliction but have a sneaking suspicion that it is happening on Sundays as well.

Confucious Trevaskis said...

You could start by banning the bloody cat from the bedroom.....to stop his early morning toe attacks..............

girl with the mask said...

Ah- cats in the bedroom can be problematic. Maybe try an eye mask?

x

Minx said...

He doesn't attack MY toes, Confy!

We tried an eyemask, GWAM, he liked it less than his weekly facial.

Reading the Signs said...

If you were waking at 3am I'd say a course of homoeopathic Nux Vom (liver energy). If it was 5am something else homoeopathic (kidney energy). Or Natracalm passiflora tab as soon as you wake - 2mg valium ditto. But 6.30 is difficult. Some people thrive on getting up then but I'm not one of them and neither, it seems, are you.

Minx said...

I love the dawn, Signs, I often think it is more spectacular than sunset, but I do not wish to see it on a Saturday.

Debi said...

What is this thing you call 'dawn'?

I'm guessing that it's something that happens soon after I go to bed and l-o-n-g before I start growling, but I could be wrong ...

Cailleach said...

Dawn, dawn... nope, haven't seen it in ages... hope yer sleep pattern adjusts!

fluttertongue said...

I suggest lying in bed and finding a really good bit of duvet/sheet for your feet (you know, the bit that's a slightly different temperature or strangely smooth) and then simply enjoying the sensation. You may not go back to sleep but there's nothing quite like a good foot feel in the morning.

leslie said...

If you turn yourself upside down upon first witnessing the Saturday dawn, your brain will default into thinking it is seeing a sunset, and you will go right back to sleep.
Or all the blood may run to your head, causing you to pass out...

Minx said...

Dawn? Hippies who tied yellow ribbons around trees, I think. Don't worry yer head about it, Debi. 11.30 is the correct time for the break of day.

It is not me who needs to change, Cailleach!

Welcome, Fluttertongue, a duvet connoisseur, but the cat gets the best bit.

Leslie, there may be something wrong with that logic....

Debi said...

No, no. I love Loslie's legic ...

leslie said...

Or, if my logic doesn't work, maybe the sight of you upside down might inspire those still in bed to drag you back in there...

Jon M said...

The advice I got was: tell yourself to roll over and go back to sleep. Not sure if it workzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

katcampbell said...

I'm certainly of no help to you. I'm up at 5:30, even unemployed my pin headed inner alarm jangles me out of a sound sleep at that time every...single...day.

That's So Pants said...

Minxie! Calamity. A ban on Saturdays Ok with me. It is for a good cause.

xxx

Pants

Minx said...

I have decided to try, sleeping pills, weed, gin, chocolate, banana's, lettuce, wine, lager, paracetamol and those nice little ricotta sausages from Tesco's. It may work.....

Lee said...

You've been memed!

http://lowebrow.blogspot.com/2008/04/please-dont-meme-me-again.html

Lee said...

Whoops. Bad link. Try this:

http://www.smalllinks.com/4DJ

Debi said...

Banana's what? (*dugs behind settee to avoid far flung pointy boot*)

Minx said...

Thank you, Lee, not!

No excuses, Debi, very early and that pesky, pisser of an apostrophe sneaked in when I wasn't looking (I was watching the dawn).

rdg said...

i'm afraid i will be of no help to you, minxy - i've tried them all: alcohol, counting Shaun the Sheep, industrial strength sleeping pills ... i believe it is an evil plot of all sleeping Mr. Feckers of the world!

My inner timetable believes in the number 3: yep, three hours is plenty of sleep for ya, gal. In bed by 9pm (as the doc suggests) - up by midnight ... try another industrial strength pill ... awake by 3am... then 6am ... and so it goes.

the only thing i discovered that actually beat my timetable was spending a morning weedwacking the heck out of the garden ...

I found it to be quite carthartic and slept a full night's sleep that evening ....alas ... no such luck with a repeat!

happy gardening - xxx
rdg

mutleythedog said...

Well whatever.. this to shall pass..

Minx said...

We worry too much about how long we sleep, Rdg, (good to see you). We also worry too much about gardening which is why I am living in da jungle!

And so it will, Muts, and so it will.