Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Please don't be mine - at least not with that plastic flower


Because I said everything that I wanted say about Valentine's Day last year, and because I am a lazy tart, I have re-posted my rant. Quite a few of you felt the same and if anyone has anything to add versewise this year - please be my anti-Valentine guest.....

Like Christmas, the hype that surrounds Valentine's Day really narks me. The shops are full of plastic flowers, nasty red things and cards that shout 'WIFE'. I don't want some over-priced chocolates in a heart shaped box, I don't want an edible bra, and you can forget it if you think I'm buying you a leopardskin thong with 'I'm horny' plastered all over it.
Join me in a small protest by writing an anti-Valentine poem, or a few words about the whole over-commercialised sorry mess that has taken over a day that should be celebrated quietly with love. Only one rule - no syrup!
Roses are red

Poppies are too

and I need the opium
to keep me with you


Your turn...... and you had better try hard otherwise I will be forced to unleash my inner-sop and cover you with wet kisses!
.

And here they come....

.

John said...

Nose is all red,

eyes black and blue,

sugary treats

end up in the loo.

Older, no wiser,

flabby and grey,

have a terrific

St. Valentine's day.

*

Debi said...

I love you

I love you not.

You are cold

And I am hot.

or

Quick, quick,

I'm gonna be sick

I'd rather have farts

Than more bloody hearts.

or

Bitter and twisted,

Yeah that's me,

Ugly inside and out.

But still too good,

That's understood,

Of that there is no doubt.

*

Shameless said...

.
If you loved me like you say,

then you'd want more of me,

so I'm going to eat and eat,

the dark and the milky ones,

to become gloriously fatter!

*

To My Second Wife
a very short poem by maht

You will never hold a candle
To the ashes on the mantle

*

Cailleach said...

He loves me

He loves me snot

He picks me

He picks me snot

*

Mutley, the disgustin' dog said...
Instead of just belching

I've taken up felching*

Its turned me quite gay
on St Valentines Day


*Look it up says the Mut
(I did, and it is an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning 'flower arranging')

*

Roberta said...

Old and Married
.

Don't take me to dinner

The flowers will die

I won't eat the candy

so why even try?

.

We're older than dirt

We've been through this before

I won't wear a skirt

So there's the door

.

A card would be nice

But I won't keep it dearly

We'll have steak and a beer

and turn in early

.

You know I love you

I wash your socks...

and if you love me...

well a night off ROCKS!

*


Atyllah said...

Posies of roses

scented, unlike your toeses.

Heart-shaped chocs. OMG!

You snarfed the whole box!

Passion aflame

What? You've been on the game?!

So much for love

Bugger Valentine, it's time you got the shove.

*

Canterbury Soul said...
skimming ulysses
plagiarising shakespeare
weeping through clockwork orange

governing edgar allan poe’s temper

falling for big brother in 1984

guffawing with emily dickins

on celebrating valentine’s day
.
they all don’t make sense

HERE'S 2008's offerings....

Gerov of my arse!
Don't steal you a kiss.
I'm tired and cranky,
who started all this?
I'm not your sweet mummie
or I'd raised you better.
Cripes, could you make
your kisses much wetter?
Your hands are all cold,
your breath and feet stink.
You ask if I love you...
What do you think??

from Leslie


gregra&gar said...

Cupid's not Santa
Sharing love all the year round
Now dna won, and now



Anonymous trollop23 said...

Down with roses!
Phooey to Cupid!
Valentine's Day
is utterly stupid!



Blogger Nothingman said...

here are my two bits :P

"I sat there and cried
for your dead love
and I asked myself
are these tears real"



.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gerov of my arse!
Don't steal you a kiss.
I'm tired and cranky,
who started all this?
I'm not your sweet mummie
or I'd raised you better.
Cripes, could you make
your kisses much wetter?
Your hands are all cold,
your breath and feet stink.
You ask if I love you...
What do you think??

Roberta said...

I stand by the previous!

c.s. said...

i have another take this time round.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

No Atyllah to play along this year, she's snarfing chocolate locusts on Novapulse and as for me - after the last few days, I need love to be spread - and I don't care how it's done. So, don't visit my blog 'cos it's a bit mushy this Valentine's Day.
;-)
I will add though, I totally drew the line and snorted at the 7 quid Valentine's card I saw in the shop yesterday.

gregra&gar said...

Cupid's not Santa
Sharing love all the year round
Now dna won, and now

trollop23 said...

Down with roses!
Phooey to Cupid!
Valentine's Day
is utterly stupid!

Minx, you might find the saucy Ode to Faunus I posted on my blog amusing.

Nothingman said...

here are my two bits :P

"I sat there and cried
for your dead love
and I asked myself
are these tears real"

man i crack myself up ha ha.

Lovely ditties by people!

N

Minx said...

Thank you - love and light to you all!

Jan said...

LOts of red coloured cards ( red hearts, bleeding)in the shops on Tuesday.
Lots of yellow coloured cards ( yellow Easter chicks, twittering) in the shops today..

Taffiny said...

distracted a bit off topic once again, I must ask..

Are you serious about the plastic flowers?
Surely they don't really sell such things to be given out for Valentines day, you intend rather for that to be symbolism, right?

I am sorry but you have caught me empty at the moment, poem free.

Shameless said...

Funny to see my old words there! :-)

handmaiden said...

Hi there!
I don't have a poem but my divorce was final yesterday, no kidding! My lawyer & I had a great laugh over the irony...So tonight I'm getting drunk & will probably tthrow up, but not before I send pictures of my tits to some lucky blogging recipient...ha ha, Burp!

L.M.Noonan said...

Oh pooh, I don't have a romantic bone or line in my body.
I read something decades ago that has become my favourite drinking toast--it's the closest I can get to gooey. Don't know who wrote it.

Here's to the boy that I love best,
I love him best when he's undressed.
I'd f**k him sitting , standing, lying,
If he had wings, I f**k him flying.
And when he's dead and long forgotten,
I'll dig him up and f**k him rotten.

PS I understand perfectly if you feel you should delete this comment. I won't feel hurt 'cause it's not mine, although I wish I'd written it.

Minx said...

I think I love you, Noony.