I am, at present, planning my latest outrage.
You will have forgotten about that vole by tonight. Yes, I watched you chasing the stupid thing around the kitchen. I could not be bothered to finish it off - so much more fun to watch you trying to throw a towel over it, only to find that it had died just at the point of rescue.
I was annoyed anyway. I bring you these presents, show my love for you, and you act as if I have committed some kind of crime. I'll do the same tomorrow - will you never learn?
You pretend to understand every word I say but as soon as I tell you I need food you produce a flea comb. I hate that, and I don't have fleas. Do you know how much care I take over my appearance? I spent hours and hours grooming this perfect body and I go to untold lengths to show your guests how clean I am in the bottom department. Some thanks I get for it.
Let's also get another thing straight. Your lap is there for me as I want it, as are the kitchen worktops, the fat cushion in the front room, the chair you have just warmed up and your bed is definitely designed for three. Maybe you could tell him to sleep downstairs and then there would be no problem.
By the way, could you also have a word with him. I am not 'a black rat' and neither, according to you, am I 'mummy's precious darling'. I am a predator, a vicious killer, one whisker away from feral, one tummy tickle away from leaving you all to answer the the call of the wild.
Now, leave me to my plotting. I will require a headscratch in about an hour but until then you can make yourself scarce.
18 comments:
Lovely, Minx. I shuddered. Muffin agreed, though I have to point out that SHE'S not a serial killer! :)
Oh yes she is. You gave her a sweet name but underneath lies shades of Lizzie Borden.
We do not do cats in the hen house - nasty vicious, cold blooded killers who do it for fun, rather than need. Remarkably akin to humans, I'm inclined to think...
I`m with Atylla, dogs rock!
Can't agree there John G. We had a dog. He was a bit thick.
A dog only loves you because you're the alpha male/female of the pack. A cat knows he IS the alpha! Smart as a smart thing. Except for Bert, who was the stupidest cat in the northern hemisphere!
Hello, that could've been written by Beelzebub, my black one. She's known as Bea for short, so as not to frighten the neighbours.
Cats have more dignity than dogs, but have a nasty sadistic streak. Here's how to make a mousetrap.
Is that my cat speaking? I believe it could be... Mine certainly looks the same but with big harvest moon eyes.
He alternates between killing machine and consummate dork. He sat looking at us for fifteen minutes last night with his silly pink tongue sticking out.
Having said that, he lords it over my poor little dog, who is crippled with a catastrophic case of stupidity.
Why do you think I need a mousetrap, GB? I have one, he's called Owen. The 'presents' he brings in (because he loves me) are usually dead.
They do have a sadistic streak but they are only what we have made them. Owen likes to eat spiders as well - bless him.
Hello M&M - let him frighten the neighbours. They probably deserve it
The 'consumate dork' act is only there to fool you into handing over more food, DM. And never laugh at the forgotten tongue thing - they get embarrassed.
I long ago decided that Claire ia a lot smarter than I am, and a lot more bloodthirsty as well. Now I just humbly try to divine what she wants and provide it as best I can, and things seem to be working out fairly well. There is still the odd bleeding thing on the kitchen floor,though...
I love cats. Pity I have a husband who is allergic. Before he found a space in my bed, I shared it with two felines. The male was accidentally christened Tinkerbell.
John, it's as much as we can do!
We once had a cat called Vicky, Saaleha, who had cleverly kept his tackle hidden from sight! We tried to change his name - it didn't work.
Oh quite true Minx.
One must not underestimate the guile of The Cat.
The Tongue Thing is his favourite bit of tomfoolery. He gets lots more smooches and snuggles, and inevitably more food, by being silly. He really is a very good actor. I have, unfortunately, been witness to his dark side... He is called Diablo after all, (more commonly known as Newman - for reasons known only to my sons.)
what a lovely pussy
Aw I love your cat, does he want to come on holiday? Oh now I'm feeling all lonesome for a cat, but I can't, won't, mustn't put a cat in a tiny first floor apartment with no things to play with (kill) (at least I hope there's nothing to kill here!)
Owen is curled up on my lap, dreaming of widdle mice and fwuffy bunnies. No murders today - it's raining.
It look like eagle eyes,I remember the movie alice in the wonderland.
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