Monday, February 12, 2007

Be my......anti-Valentine


Like Christmas, the hype that surrounds Valentine's Day really narks me. The shops are full of plastic flowers, nasty red things and cards that shout 'WIFE'. I don't want some over-priced chocolates in a heart shaped box, I don't want an edible bra, and you can forget it if you think I'm buying you a leopardskin thong with 'I'm horny' plastered all over it.

Join me in a small protest by writing an anti-Valentine poem, or a few words about the whole over-commercialised sorry mess that has taken over a day that should be celebrated quietly with love.
Only one rule - no syrup!


Roses are red
Poppies are too
and I need the opium
to keep me with you


Your turn...... and you had better try hard otherwise I will be forced to unleash my inner-sop and cover you with wet kisses!
.


And here they come....

.

John said...
Nose is all red,

eyes black and blue,

sugary treats

end up in the loo.

Older, no wiser,

flabby and grey,

have a terrific

St. Valentine's day.

*

Debi said...

I love you

I love you not.

You are cold

And I am hot.

or

Quick, quick,

I'm gonna be sick

I'd rather have farts

Than more bloody hearts.

or

Bitter and twisted,

Yeah that's me,

Ugly inside and out.

But still too good,

That's understood,

Of that there is no doubt.

*

Shameless said...

.
If you loved me like you say,

then you'd want more of me,

so I'm going to eat and eat,

the dark and the milky ones,

to become gloriously fatter!

*


To My Second Wife
a very short poem by
maht

You will never hold a candle
To the ashes on the mantle

*

Cailleach said...

He loves me

He loves me snot

He picks me

He picks me snot

*


Mutley, the disgustin' dog said...

Instead of just belching
I've taken up felching*
Its turned me quite gay
on St Valentines Day

*Look it up says the Mut

(I did, and it is an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning 'flower arranging')

*

Roberta said...

Old and Married

.

Don't take me to dinner

The flowers will die

I won't eat the candy

so why even try?

.

We're older than dirt

We've been through this before

I won't wear a skirt

So there's the door

.

A card would be nice

But I won't keep it dearly

We'll have steak and a beer

and turn in early

.

You know I love you

I wash your socks...

and if you love me...

well a night off ROCKS!

*


Atyllah said...
Posies of roses

scented, unlike your toeses.

Heart-shaped chocs. OMG!

You snarfed the whole box!

Passion aflame

What? You've been on the game?!

So much for love

Bugger Valentine, it's time you got the shove.

*


Canterbury Soul said...

skimming ulysses
plagiarising shakespeare
weeping through clockwork orange
governing edgar allan poe’s temper
falling for big brother in 1984
guffawing with emily dickins
on celebrating valentine’s day
.
they all don’t make sense




19 comments:

John said...

Nose is all red,
eyes black and blue,
sugary treats
end up in the loo.

Older, no wiser,
flabby and grey,
have a terrific
St. Valentine's day.

Debi said...

I love you
I love you not.
You are cold
And I am hot.

or ...

Quick, quick,
I'm gonna be sick
I'd rather have farts
Than more bloody hearts.

or ...

Bitter and twisted,
Yeah that's me,
Ugly inside and out.
But still too good,
That's understood,
Of that there is no doubt.

Shameless said...

If you loved me like you say,
then you'd want more of me,
so I'm going to eat and eat,
the dark and the milky ones,
to become gloriously fatter!

The Moon Topples said...

Minx: Just posted a very short one onto my blog. I may do a longer one tonight.

Cailleach said...

I'll shall ponder on that one for a while...

Cailleach said...

He loves me
He loves me snot
He picks me
He picks me snot

I didn't say it would be intelligent....

The Moon Topples said...

So mine isn't too syrupy? I worry about appearing soft.

Minx said...

No, no, Maht, I think you just stopped short of being soppy.

mutleythedog said...

Instead of just belching
I've taken up felching*
Its turned me quite gay
on St Valentines Day

*Look it up

Roberta said...

Old and Married

Don't take me to dinner
The flowers will die
I won't eat the candy
so why even try?

We're older than dirt
We've been through this before
I won't wear a skirt
So there's the door.

A card would be nice
But I won't keep it dearly
We'll have steak and a beer
and turn in early

You know I love you
I wash your socks
...and if you love me...
well
a night off ROCKS!

Cailleach said...

I just love Roberta's last one - that made me chuckle!

Minx said...

I love them all, (except 'that' word in Mutley's). Thank you.
Now has anyone else got a grudge again St V?

Canterbury Soul said...

have contributed to the protest.

take a look, please.

http://doorsleftopen.wordpress.com/2007/02/14/making-sense/

Atyllah said...

Posies of roses
scented, unlike your toeses.
Heart-shaped chocs.
OMG! You snarfed the whole box!
Passion aflame
What? You've been on the game?!
So much for love
Bugger Valentine, it's time you got the shove.

Meloney Lemon said...

A new computer
could be quite romantic.
Decorated with little pink bows. Glass of bubbly
standing by it....

Saaleha said...

They brought tears of mirth to mine eyes. Great work, everyone!

But now, someone has to tell me who Saint V is???

kooibbq - that was word veri. Anyone knows afrikaans. You can tell the rest what that means ;)

Marie said...

Love is shit
and so is Valentine's Day...

Sorry Minx, I tried, but this is all I could come up with. And sorry to be so negative.

Marie said...

I loved everyone else's though. Brilliant.

dress boot said...

Why it color black? its look like a protest or a black valentine.