The gin co-operative, a truck and a rather large dictionary!

Yes, I know, it's May Day, that funny little holiday in the English calender where all the banks close and some towns go all 'Pagan' for the day.
At this time or year the Beerpigs go off in search of that mythical 'really good pint' and the Gin Co-operative have a day out all of their own.
I had drawn the short straw this year and was in charge of the Chelsea Tractor (US alert: CT= 4x4, otherwise known as the MD's Isuzu funky truck, his pride and joy with underfangled conduberators and the like!).

"What's this?" Dementia said pulling something large from under her legs.

"That's one of Minx's dictionaries," Demanda said "she'd keep one in her knickers if she could."

I smiled and nodded consent. They have never understood my need for a bright new word every day.

"Ooh look, Sphincter," Demoana said "that would be a nice word if it didn't mean what it means."

We had a quick survey to see what our favourite words were - mine is Mockapockahooter - not a real word, Big Fecker couldn't say computer when he was little and the name stuck ( I also like Helipopter and Parcark).

"We haven't thought of a game yet" Demanda said.

It is a tradition of the Gin Co-op to invent some sort of stupid game to play on the unsuspecting public whilst we are out on one of our forays.

"Right" I said "pick the first word you come across and when we get to The Shed (our first watering hole) you have to use it when ordering a drink."

The deal was done and here is what happened.....

"Afternoon ladies, what can get you?" said the barman, who looked about twelve and was already blushing as Dementia was trying to force her tits back into a top that she had borrowed from the much smaller Demanda.

"Cocktails?" I said, and he blushed again, oh dear.

"We have some specials, there on the board, the, errr, Long Comfortable, ummm, Screw is, umm buy one, errr, get one free" the boy said.

"Tis a fallacy young man to think that I would want one of those" Dementia said and we all applauded politely. One down three to go!

"We'll have two of those, a Sunset Dream and a diet coke for the self-confessed coke addict" Demanda said smirking.

More applause.

"Are you eating today?" the boy asked the mad clappers, praying that we had fed elsewhere.

We perused the menu.

"I'll have tapas, I have a yen for tapas"

A small clap followed, we all thought Demoana's was too easy and I had a sneaky feeling that she had cheated.

"And you Madam?" he asked me. It was my last chance and there was much sniggering going through the ranks of the Co-operative.

"Tell me" I said "the squid, are they scorbutic?"

"I don't know madam, I'll check with the kitchen."

I recieved a significant clap and was just taking a small bow, when the barboy came back, very red in the face.

"The chef says that they are served with balsamic vinegar, a green salad and pitta and have no traces of the scurvy."

The chef poked his head out of the kitchen and we gave him the standing ovation that he deserved!!