I was trying to fill the endless hours before going to my interview (part two). I can't concentrate on a book and in desperation turned to the free paper that plops through the door and then usually plops straight into the bin.
But I found this....
January - took a new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helloooo...bottles won't fit in typewriter!
March - got really excited, finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, the box said 2-4 years!
April - trapped on an escalator for hours, power cut!
May - tried to make a casserole, wrong instructions, half pint of water won't fit in packet!
June - tried to go water skiing, couldn't find a lake with slope!
July - lost breast stroke swimming competition, learned later that other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August - got locked out of car in rain, car swamped because the soft top was open!
September - the capital of Holland is 'H', isn't it?
October - hate M&M's, they are so hard to peel!
November - couldn't call 911, duh, there's no 'eleven' button on the phone!
December - baked turkey for four days, instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
What a year!!!
(can't credit this to anyone and it may well be years old - but I liked it)
Also liked this...
A blind man entered a Ladies Bar by mistake. He found his way to a bar stool and ordered a drink. After sitting there for a while he yelled to the bartender "Do ya wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately fell quiet. In a deep husky voice the woman next to him said "Before you tell that joke I think it only fair, as you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm six feet tall, blonde with a black belt in karate
4.The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and is a wrestler
Now think about it Mister. Do ya still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thought for a second, shook his head and said
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
(if you have been offended by these blonde jokes please try brunette next time you dye)
Ps, Normal blogging will resume as soon as I have convinced the Gestapo that I'm the woman for them!!