Monday, July 28, 2008

Petrified Intestinal Gas and other stories

Why do we pick up a book in the bookshop in the first place? Is it the cover? The colour (if you're a bit girly)? Or do do we find the title irresistible?
I have looked through my own bookshelves and wondered how on earth I chose certain books because the titles are enough to comatose even the most persistent amphetamine user. I must have peeked inside because they were all perfectly readable (mostly).
When writing my own novels the title has come fairly early on but what on earth was going on with these people....

The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alsia Surkis

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification by Julian Montague

Warping all by Yourself by Cay Garrett

How I Cured Deadly Toenail Fungus by Mike Tecton

God, Why Did Dad Lose His Job? by Katherine Marko

I found all these HERE and I am definitely going to review my title choosing from now on but for an up to the moment choice of reading....

I Try to Take One Day at a Time but Sometimes Several Days Attack me at Once by Ashleigh Brilliant

...looks like a winner, but I don't think that I can beat this one...

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship then Start With Your Legs: A Guide to Understanding Men by Big Boom

I have ordered a copy!


Unknown said...

The lesbian horse stories would make an excellent drama for channel 4!

Unknown said...

I agree with John.g. Right on the money there!

Unknown said...

Thanks Barbara!

Unknown said...

Is this a private conversation you two, or can anyone join in? Heh.

soubriquet said...

I've noticed lady cows mounting each other in what I considered to be a state of confusion.
Lesbian cows!
Now i hear of Lesbian Horses into storytelling. Whatever next? "Homer the Homosexual Tortoise's Big Book of Golfing Stories"?

I shudder. This must all be a dream. A bad one, brought on by a cheese sandwich before bedtime. I shudder again. Behold the "Gay Gnus Go Galloping By"

Wanderlust Scarlett said...


Are you leaving no stone unturned? (Note the cliche...) I thought it was harder than that to become published... toenail fungus, stray shopping carts and lesbian horses?

Just think... I could write a hundred thousand books on the bizarre and unusual, the dreadfully boring and the unthinkably true.
And they'd all be published, and bought; as long as I hire the right cover artisans...


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Unknown said...

I am also confused, Soub. Are we to suppose that these stories are about lesbian horses or were they written by lesbians. Does it matter? Do we care? Maybe it should be called 'The Gay Gallop?' ohh, I think I might be getting the hang of this title thing.

Scarlett, you have obviously been barking up the wrong publishing tree. I am now seriously considering submitting 'The Wanton Fluff - a study of rare bellybutton lint'. I think I could be big!

Anonymous said...

If read phonetically, the author of the horsie stories is named "All See a Circus".
Do you think that is intentional?

My favorite is the Pocket Massage for Stress Relief.

soubriquet said...

"The Little Book of Minge Topiary"

Unknown said...

Maybe we should hope it is intentional, Leslie! I am still wondering what the agent/publisher saw in this.

Oh yes, Soub, this book was the given five stars by the Merkin council at the last International Pubic Hairdressing Convention.

Anonymous said...

So pleased you're promoting my Lesbian Horse Stories book. I hope you'll also like the next in the series: The Small Book of Lesbian Ant Tales.

Good luck with your own writing. We creative people must stick together.

Love Alsia Surkis xxx

Reading the Signs said...

I have been Laughing Out Loud, Minx, and this in spite of feeling totally crap today. So these titles titles are brilliant, and almost inspire me to get my own collection.

It was too stupid to think that Warping might turn out to be something rude - the way my mind works right now.

Unknown said...

Alsia, how cool! Lesbian ants? Oh my, I have led such a sheltered life! And yes, we must stick together and I hope you make a million!

Glad they cheered you, Signs. Your own list would be a welcome addition to this box - get to it.
I am keen to try warping but think that I would like to experiment with someone else - for safety reasons!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

The Gay Gallup?

Minx, I am laughing so hard that there are tears running down my cheek.

Truly, milady, you have found your calling.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Anonymous said...

I am keeping my legs firmly together...I think it might help me understand men.

Beatrice V said...

Oh my god....! how on earth can I close my legs when I am laughing so hard... :) Here could be a new title for your list minx: "how to get her to open her legs, when all else fails... ha ha ha"

Unknown said...

I hope you are talking about face cheeks, Scarlett, otherwise we might be in for a very interesting book title!

I think it might, Muts. I have superglued mine together in an effort to understand.

Do you know how to remove superglue from skin, Wordcrafter? I think I may be in trouble and you are obviously not!

Unknown said...

LMAO! My personal favourite, though not on your list, has to be The Holy Movement, Matters of the Colon. This is only, I'm sure, because I feel I might have written one just like this! All those with inflammatory bowel diseases will relate to the holiness and total absorption of the subject... OMG!

BTW, I think Soub has a terrific title there with Homer the Tortoise...

Unknown said...

Vanilli, I absolutely refuse to let this blog slide down the intestinal tubes. Please desist from the pootalk no matter how interesting you think it might be. Can poo sell books?

bulletholes said...

"My Lead Dog Was A Lesbian: Mushing Across Alaska in the Iditarod--the World's Most Grueling Race"
Real book. Good only if you are, or aspire to be, a musher.

I had a female dog that used to hunch peoples legs. is that what they call 'alpha"?

Unknown said...

Oh, okay, I admit it, I looked it up, Steve, but as I have no wish to mush or be mushed at this particular time I resisted the urge to order a copy.
Shame really, I think I am harbouring a small, slightly twisted, desire to own a library of weird titles.

Alpha? No, just horney.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Just make it a cyber library Minx... and we'll all come and check out titles and drop titles off and get good giggles out of it all.

Yes, face cheeks. It'd be a bit tricky the other way.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Unknown said...

Cyber bookshelves would be fine, scarlett, but not as much fun as explaining my interest in lesbian horses/ants/ice crossing dogs to someone who just popped in to borrow some chick lit (there again!).

Roberta said...

Reminds me of an old joke.

Old woman gives a young one "the pill" on her wedding night.

"Ya mean if'n I swaller this I won't have no babies?!" The girl said incredulously.

"No stupid. Keep it right thar between yer knees."

Pants said...

Hi Minxie

To think I've been relying on the TLS - what have I been missing?



Unknown said...

My humble apologies, Oh Minxy One. I don't know about poo selling books. I do, however, know that there are a lot of books out there that are full of poo.

Unknown said...

I know quite a few women who should follow this advice, Roberta heh heh.

Err, a lot, Pantsie, apparently.

Quite so, Vanilli, but we don't read them, do we?