Saturday, June 02, 2007

Shopping, shouting, drinking, and other things that happen on a Saturday morning when you are minding your own business

.
"TEQUILA!"


"Oh yes please." I thought. I bloody hate grocery shopping and a tequila would be just the thing to get me through it, even if it was a bit early in the day.

It took me a while to realise that Tequila was in fact a stray child who I found a few minutes later trying dismantle a display of chocolate biscuits. I couldn't blame her, she obviously hated shopping as much as I did. Just as she was about to loosen the one box that would have brought the whole mountain down, her mother caught up with her and spoilt our fun.

As I watched Tequila being dragged off clutching her ears against the twenty decibel assault, I wondered what had possessed someone to call their child after a drink with a dubious worm in it. Did she have sisters named Martini or Sambuca, brothers, cousins with monikers enough to confuse a bartender?

I tried to imagine a 'Grandma Tequila', 'Great Aunt Tequila' and failed miserably. Did people think about the consequences of carrying around a name that could be ordered?


So what do names say about us? Naming a child is never easy - I know from experience. I like a slightly unusual name but working with children had put me off some. We had settled on two names for our planned only child and, umm, when our second child made his debut luckily the spare name was unisex.

Both the Feckers like their names but I know a number a people who have changed theirs as soon as it was legal ('Texas Bluesky' became a 'Leanna') but I have always been quite content with my own. I could have had fun with a more authorly name but someone had already bagged Mingus Windbottom and besides I have enough fun choosing names for my characters which is a far more logical process. I know these people before I name them. They are fully formed in both looks and personality and the name usually just plops into place.


So, anyway, I will not be applying for a job as the local registrar.


"Have you really thought about this? Do you think he looks like a Calvados Amaretto the Third, or were you just pissed out of your head when he was conceived?'.


"Axl, Axl? Are you mad, Mrs Rod?


"I'm sure 'Flight 291' was significant for you - but it may be a source of embarrassment to him when he is about 16."
.
.

Pee ess - the chocolate biscuits collapsed in a heap a few seconds after I passed and my Minx toe had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all!
.

29 comments:

john.g. said...

Could be worse Minx, work out the anagram of AXL ROSE !! Him of Guns' Roses fame!

john.g. said...

Did you get my e-mail regarding Alan Johnston?

john.g. said...

Ignore that last comment.....wrong person, sorry!

Verilion said...

You are the wrong person Minx! Blooming heck and the only anagram I can think of is sore lax or sex alor or loser ax... OK enough I was only writing to say it's Mezcal that has the dodgy worm (what with being pedantic and all) and it can't have been a minx toe that knocked over those choccie biccies cos your the wrong person! I think I'd name mine Bordeaux and Champagne, what do you think?

Jan said...

My father had a friend called Rum Jones .
He had a wife called Cheryl so she became Sherry.
They lived in a house called Bottle Cottage.

L.M.Noonan said...

A senior lecturer at the art school I attended married a woman named Silva. His name was Laurie Ware. These strange unions happen all the time. I was under some duress at the time and was badgered in giving my oldest the middle name of Jason. He changed it when he was in his teens to something that he felt lived up to his idea of himself. Naming is very important, it has to suit a tiny baby, a fashion conscious teen and any number of professions as an adult. The criteria for choosing my sons names were, different initials, same value -didn't want one thinking they were MORE special than the others, classic rather than faddish, how many saffrons and dakotas do you know, and certainly no names that could possibly be embarrassing.

Nothingman said...

Names...ah, what do we own except our names? I'm happy that my mother gave me a name which means something, it means a 'new born leaf' in hindi...

I can't wait to meet a girl called Vodka ;) i'll marry her straight away!

The pictures in your sidebar are very beautiful...I like them a lot :)

Keep Writing!

N

Minx said...

I am always the wrong person - it's the story of my life!
Axl Rose = Oral sex - I knowd that one, John G.

Sorry about the worm, V. Gin is me drink and there ain't no freebies with that! I think Bordeaux is a very classy name, errr.

Jan, I think I wish to own Bottle Cottage. A friend lives at Jolly's Bottom - I like that too.

I know a Julie Pooley, LM. I think they have to be forgiven if they marry into weirdness.
Working with children for 25 years has given me a whole host of potential names. Fashions change every five years or so but the classics (Emily, Sophie, Harry, Ben etc) always hang around. Dotted in between are the pop/celeb names and the just plain weird.
Cornwall has some beautiful names - Rowan, Jowan, Morwenna, Loveday (pronounced Luvdie) with surnames beginning with 'Pen' 'Pol' or Tre' that reflect Cornish heritage (Pensilva, Polgooth, Trevaskis).
We have been lucky to hang onto tradition in an ever growing ethnic cauldron.

Minx said...

A girl called Vodka? Schnapps her up, Nothingman, marinade her and live in cocktail heaven.

Verilion said...

How dumb do I feel now? I once knew a girl whose surname was Windows and we used to tell that she should get together with our friend called Doors and they'd almost have a house!

Minx said...

Dumb about oral sex = Axl Rose? Just one of the mind blowingly interesting tidbits that my mind seems retain. Can't remember what I had for breakfast, or what time I need to pick the Feckers - oh dear, late..........

Verilion said...

I always thought that if I could take an exam in mindless trivia I would do fantastic. Otherwise, it all just dribbles out of my brain.

me said...

ha! my name is 'thy,' which is pronounced 'tea.' my last name is 'vo' so my name is basically 'thy vo' or 'tivo' like the popular tv show recording device. i hear a lot of jokes about my name. a lot.

someone told me their friend's daughter is named allegra, and then shortly after someone named an allergy medicine the same.

mutleythedog said...

I have decided to sneak this in as Minxy is not looking

Shhhhhh!! vote for me at CLICK HERE

or email jameshighamatmaildotcom

don't tell anyone...

Debi said...

I once had to phone a guy called Henry B Wancke ... tried pronouncing it as Mr Vankay ... 'Oh, you mean Mr Wanker,' the bright young thing on the phone replied.

Also knew a Yankel Frankel and (my personal fave) Titus Arsell. This last was so good I had to use it in my 1st book.

Lazy Perfectionista said...

Back on the booze theme, I went to primary school with a girl called Tia Maria. Obviously none of us got the reference back then, but I've always wondered why a parent would do that...

Minx said...

You could be 'Meteavo', Thy - I rather like that.

Trust you to know a wanker, Debi - only the one?

Hello, Lady P, could have been worse I suppose, well, not much. Harvey Wallbanger or Long Slow Screw Jones might have been more of an encumbrance.

Mutley, have I told you about pimping your blog here - shoo!
Who is James Higham and why am I not on the list - doesn't he know who I am?

mutleythedog said...

You have to be nominated somehow - I think it is by sending a nomination to his email address with the whole url of the blog you nominate. I didn't do any yet.

_Soulless_ said...

Hullo, Minx. Found my way here through your comment on my site. Mighty entertained by your latest blog entry. But before that: oh, I skimmed through earlier ones, spotted and read the poem "I Want to be a Tomato" and, time being midnight here and all, I think I rattled the sleeping beasts of the house with my not-so-ladylike guffaw. Ahem. ^_^

Anyway, back to fun with names, what I find especially amusing is the fact that there are parents who would give a girl's name to a baby boy -- Sandy JOY, for instance (I met such a guy in college). And then, there are the unforgettable last names (all real): Regla (which, in the Filipino language Tagalog meant menstruation) and Mabayag (which here, er, meant having big t-t-t-test-t-t-t-testicles). Uhurm. These are just a few, I'm sure any civil registrar's head would be packed with many more. *chuckles*

Cheers.

Minx said...

Hi Soulless, glad you are back from your sabbatical! The tomato poem was an offering to Poetry Thursday (in me lnks) with the theme of humour. I think we forget sometimes that poetry can still be funny.
I think there should be a translation service in operation when you name a child. Nothing worse than moving to a country and finding out your name is Bum in another language!

Roberta said...

LOL! Minx you Minx! I'll bet you are one of those fantastic people that get down to eye level with children so you can see the world through their eyes.

Debi said...

You're right, Roberta. But it's cos she's lying on the floor having passed out after several too many gins.

apprentice said...

Poor wee bugger! Here you can map the demise of Soap operas by the fall off in the number of weans dubbed Kylie or whatever.

I dealt with a woman called Annette Curtain once.

Maybe continents and countries are giving way to food and drink names, India giving way to Saffron and Perry. I somehow doubt there will be many Stouts or Picalillis though!

Meloney Lemon said...

Roland Butter
Russell Sprout....

C,mere Shandy n Chardonay... hold me drink while I change Babycham...

Minx said...

Debi! Roberta! I never drink when handling other people's children.

I think I could quite fancy a food named person, Apprentice, - yummy! Hi, and welcome to you.

Update, after making enquiries locally I have found out that Tequila has a sister called Trinity. I was hoping for a Babycham, Meloney - oh well, maybe next time.

mutleythedog said...

Bacardi or Drambuie both seem possible...

Minx said...

Gin, Vod and Castlemaine XXXX have always seemed like possibilties.

Debi said...

Theakston's Old Peculiar?

Minx said...

Old Lesbian No 6?