Thursday, June 14, 2007

Letters to the world

Dear Mr Postman,
it appears that you do not always ring twice and this morning I am fairly sure that you did not even bother with the once.
I came down to find a note from you. I was a little touched that you had thought to write to me but your words were scrawled all over a piece of junk mail that was just about to be filed in the bin. Your lovely words told me that you had left a little something for me behind the grey box. Again I was touched, although it has to be said - a little confused, as most of the time you leave parcels out in the fresh air or worse - with my demented neighbour Irma Geddon.

I scanned the garden for a grey box and found to my dismay that there was not one. I hunted high and low and eventually found my parcel by the bin. Can I please point out that a bin is, yes, grey, but is cylindrical in shape and that these 'boxes' are usually receptacles for rubbish. The bin technicians (is that PC?) are also 'box' challenged and I was lucky that they hadn't whisked away my parcel to the Land of Dump.

I am not even sure why the parcel ended up at the binbox as it fitted quite neatly through that special hole that I have in the door. Goodness knows you have forced entry with far bigger items that would have required a return to the post office, squeezing and squashing them until they are no bigger than the stamp they were sent with.

I know I have frightened you in the past, greeting you at the door in my comfy bed attire and less than prepared 'morning' face, but it has to be said that I find that you have legs that were not designed for public consumption. Whoever decreed 'thou shalt wear the short shorts regardless of unattractive knees' ought to be hung up by their postal bags and left out in the rain.

So in future, if you wouldn't mind, please leave parcels in the blue box provided to the right of the front door that says 'parcels in here'. I have added a neon sign, bells and alarms to aid this process. In return I promise not to answer the door half nekkid and will refrain from staring at your less than adequate knees.

Nearly sincerely
Mrs Minx

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DON'T FORGET THE COMPETITION IN THE POST BELOW!
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Entries now up on LITTLE MINX
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25 comments:

concerned citizen said...

Omy, O my! I love that! You are the wittiest...I just got done reading James Joyce's, "UlYSSES" yep, the whole damn thing & you are witty. (yes, she is witty. should I say witty? maybe I should say...What? look for a better choice of words, absurbs, regurge, purge, words, witty little itty bitty smitty & the flotsom & jetsom slaps against the shore, the translucent green, in & out, in & out)

How did I do?

Minx said...

Not bad Tarty, but you forgot the snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea, and in your forgetting you forgot that I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day and wit only comes from gin.

L.M.Noonan said...

What would you write about my mailbox?
It's 1.5 kilometres away. Down an unsealed road , the box used to house the electricity meter. I've been lusting after an old microwave someone along the road uses.

Debi said...

I have a plan. Some time in August I shall be spending the night in your grey receptacle and when I spot the knees approaching (through the cunning hole I will have carved in the side for the very purpose) I'll leap out half nekkid and give him a rousing chorus of 'It's raining men ...'

Irma Geddon ain't got nuffink on me ...

Roberta said...

Minx, you made me laugh but Debi, you made me howl!

john.g. said...

Minx, you horror! LMAO!
Your chat up lines to postie are great!

Jon M said...

Cor Minx, don't let anyone get on the wrong side of you!!! I AM working on your competition, just sharpening me crayons!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Minx!

Absolutely loved this... and watch out for that Irma Geddon, she's a disaster waiting to happen.

Clever girl... loved the whole thing, so very witty and funny.

Thanks for the giggles!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Minx said...

What would I write about your mailbox, LM? A little story I think entitled:-
'A mailbox too far'
or
'You've got mail, come and get it'
or
'The postman always rings twice except at this address'


Debi, I have already prepared the 'hide' and await your arrival - how long are you going to be, it's a bit cramped in here?

Minx said...

Roberta, John G and Jon - all service providers (that I pay for) are a target. What do you mean 'wrong side of me'? I am never wrong!
Scarlett, Irma has already happened - I have many tales but most of them are beyond belief!

Jon M said...

I'm sorry M. I realise now that you are correctnitude personified, not bad for half a bottle of Chianti hey? burp! Never could cope with Gin!

your magic words just said yblyv which is a deep and theological question which I am going off to contemplate whilst sharpening wax crayons!

Minx said...

WARNING!

NO LATE NIGHT BURPING ON THIS BLOG

However, drinking, winking, singing, fighting, biting, boozing, schmoozing, dancing, prancing and sharing your chocolate stash, are all acceptable.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I'll be getting out that 20 year tawny port and chocolate then.
Back in a bit. Does Ella Fitzgerald go with port and chocolate?

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

PS- Alas, I am also slaving away at my words for your competition...

concerned citizen said...

The snotgreen sea.
I could wander lost & hear the 'snotgreen sea' pulling me?
Due west it slaps against the shore, the black rock rises backwards pulling me.

Minx said...

Ella goes with anything, Scarlett, except cheese.

CC, best get yer blog back, I think you have random comment syndrome!!

Mr Farty said...

At least your postie doesn't put parcels inside the fecking bin!!

Love your blog ;-)

Minx said...

Oh yes he does, Farty! He also gives us the post for No 37 (we are 24) I don't think he likes them.

Thanks for the compliment!

Jan said...

Nekkid?
Good 'eavens!

Minx said...

I am a witch, Jan, nekkid or half-nekkid are acceptable except in public!

Debi said...

With sufficient schmooze, booze & chocolate, there is no limit to the time I can spend in your bin ...

Word verification is 'westzz' and we'll be coming west soon and I'll be zzz-ing in your bin. Uncanny, huh?

Minx said...

We`are quite modern here in Cornwall, Debi, we have beds in bedrooms and everything!

Debi said...

Reminds me of when I was in Seattle and someone asked me if we had colour tv and - trains (!)- in England ...

Minx said...

What are trains?

Debi said...

Is that coming from the woman with the snazziest pinkest mobile the world has ever seen?

Minx said...

Shhh, don't tell the world!