Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I am suffering from a bad case of 'Lerts'.

Having just been very brave and swapped over to a Firefoxy browser (all by myself - she said smugly) I was hoping that my lerts might clear up, or that I would at least get them under control. I was mistaken.

The lerts start in the morning. As soon as I switch on the pooter it lerts me that it is clean and healthy and ready to go. I don't mind this lert. It rises gracefully in the right hand corner, a mellow yellow informing me that my little Panda has blocked nasty intruders and repelled any aliens.

The big lerts start as soon as I open up my browser. Google sends me red M's to say that messages are awaiting my attention in my mail bag. Skype then zooms into action dropping flaglerts all over the place that tell of a missed chat or call. Spybot and Tune-up give me a wave in amongst all this to inform that they have disinfected the engine overnight and then googlelerts warm up and tell me who has been lurkin' on me blog while I've been asleep.

I don't mind the lerts really. They keep me up to date and inform me when someone is around when I am busy in another programme. What I object to is the sounds. I often wear headphones when I am working/writing and my music is interrupted with pings, whoops and boings which often translate as "Oi, dimchick, message, inbox, NOW!".

So what I am after, (and don't tell me to switch them off, I am a technobabe now and couldn't do without) is Sean Connery, who whispers quietly in my ear and gently says.......


Competition update:-

6 entries now up on Little Minx
Please go and read. Supportive comments will be tolerated, but if you are mean I will chop yer fingers off!
Details way down below.
Closing date 22nd June. Get on with it!



Anonymous said...

What a splendid idea! I think you should contact the lerting people and propose it! No wait. Better still get a patent for the idea first...**rushes off to patent office**

Unknown said...

Ah, but who would have as your 'lert' voice, Muts?
I could see you with a female Hal "You can't do that Mutley".

Unknown said...

I have Joanna Lumley informing me of e-mails. How sexy is that?

Jon M said...

I'd have the hare off the Cadbury's Caramel advert from the eighties...the one with the pink bow and big eyes...sorry...I say Minx this is all very techno, don't they still hunt firefoxes in your neck of the woods?

Unknown said...

What a lot of lerts! I have very poor attention span as it is and can't deal with things boinging and beeping and whizzing at me, so I just turn it all off! I'm a bit of a miserable old sod really! But if it was a voice it would have to be a deep dark sexy voice. Mmm, now whose got one?

Unknown said...

You saucepot, John G. Just hope she isn't in her 'Pasty' persona from Ab Fab!

Oh Jon, I remeber that hare. Another sexy wench. And yes, still huntin' those liddle firefoxes - buggers!

Unknown said...

Verilion - a deep voice does it for me. How about George Clooney? I think he may be able to tell me I have a pop-up!

Unknown said...

Joanna Lumley comes free with AOL.

Unknown said...

Remember, be alert, your country needs lerts!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Oh Minx, I have collapsed in a fit of delighted giggles... if you get that Sean Connery program figured out, PLEASE let me know immediately and I will be right in line to download it.

Absolutely the best!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Anonymous said...

My lert voice would be...(roll of drums!!) Jane Birkin!!

Jon M said...

Couldn't you have a Richard Burton lert voice, Minx? Only I worry that the Sean Connery one might resort to physical violence. At least the Richard Burton lert would enjoy a drink!

Debi said...

I reckon that after the 50th time Mr Connery whispered in your shell-like, you'd be screeching for him to fuck off too.

Them's the breaks - price you pay for being so popular!