Anyway, dusting, not a habit that I've ever managed to acquire but a job that is usually done when I have run out of excuses or I can't see the tv.
Today was the day. I finished early at work, meaning I took work home that will be done sometime in the next millenium, and decided that a spring dust was the order of the day. I managed a whole room before embarking on the office where I came to complete standstill for three hours.
I had bet myself, with the promise of a lamb passanda from the multi-balti down the road, that I would not touch any of the computers until I had finished and I didn't, I didn't!
Fatal mistake - I started to dust the books and pulled out one that I hadn't seen for a while, then another, and another, shit. I lay on the floor amidst my reading history from about five years ago (more recent publications are further down and I was up the wobbly ladder).
Oh look here's....
Five to Midnight......Edmund Cooper
Clan of the Cave bear....Jean M Auel
Death's Master......Tanith Lee
25 Terry Pratchetts
Johnathan Livingstone Seagull.....Richard Bach
Lord Fouls Bane series (6)........Stephen Donaldson
The Ship who Sang.......Anne MacCaffrey
More lives than one ....Jeffery Iverson
Bonjour Trieste.....Francoise Sagan
A Rumour of Angels....M Bradley Kellogg
Money is love....Richard Condon
The Amtrak Wars series ......Patrick Tilley
Breakfast at Tiffany's......Truman Capote
Wild Swans......Jung Chang
And hidden at the back was a book of tasteless lists which made me sit down and read until the kids came home. One in particular caught my eye under the heading of 'It's your funeral'
The most reliable methods for diagnosing death are;
- pouring freezing water in your ear (your ear?) which should provoke an eye movement in the living
- poking something in the eye - testing the corneal reflex
- poking something down your throat - gag reflex
- grinding knuckles in your sternum - pain reflex
- squeezing your testicles - pain again
If none of these techniques elicits a response then you are probably dead!
Oh joy - I'm dusting again tomorrow!