Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Can't see me for dust!

The 'D' word, another foul concoction of the devil. Nearly as bad as ironing, (which I get through with copious ammounts of gin) but not as bad as cleaning the toilet in my male dominated house - say no more.
Anyway, dusting, not a habit that I've ever managed to acquire but a job that is usually done when I have run out of excuses or I can't see the tv.
Today was the day. I finished early at work, meaning I took work home that will be done sometime in the next millenium, and decided that a spring dust was the order of the day. I managed a whole room before embarking on the office where I came to complete standstill for three hours.
I had bet myself, with the promise of a lamb passanda from the multi-balti down the road, that I would not touch any of the computers until I had finished and I didn't, I didn't!
Fatal mistake - I started to dust the books and pulled out one that I hadn't seen for a while, then another, and another, shit. I lay on the floor amidst my reading history from about five years ago (more recent publications are further down and I was up the wobbly ladder).

Oh look here's....

Five to Midnight......Edmund Cooper

Clan of the Cave bear....Jean M Auel

Death's Master......Tanith Lee

25 Terry Pratchetts

Johnathan Livingstone Seagull.....Richard Bach

Lord Fouls Bane series (6)........Stephen Donaldson

The Ship who Sang.......Anne MacCaffrey

More lives than one ....Jeffery Iverson

Bonjour Trieste.....Francoise Sagan

A Rumour of Angels....M Bradley Kellogg

Money is love....Richard Condon

The Amtrak Wars series ......Patrick Tilley

Breakfast at Tiffany's......Truman Capote

Wild Swans......Jung Chang

And hidden at the back was a book of tasteless lists which made me sit down and read until the kids came home. One in particular caught my eye under the heading of 'It's your funeral'

The most reliable methods for diagnosing death are;
  • pouring freezing water in your ear (your ear?) which should provoke an eye movement in the living
  • poking something in the eye - testing the corneal reflex
  • poking something down your throat - gag reflex
  • grinding knuckles in your sternum - pain reflex
  • squeezing your testicles - pain again

If none of these techniques elicits a response then you are probably dead!

Oh joy - I'm dusting again tomorrow!


S. Kearney said...

Very nice! Your posts over the past three days have brought plenty of smiles. I do cry though when I think of all the boxes of books that I have left in a trail behind me over the years. I always said "it'll just be for a few months, until I sort out a new address and when I have room". I've lost track of the addresses. People have probably died or become grandparents. I feel like I've abandoned children!

Maxine Clarke said...

Why are you dusting? Ignore it! There are far more important things to do in life than dust, eg read, blog, live....

My motto on dust: if anyone complains about the dust, hand them the rag!

We need you to blog, Minx, not worry about mere details like housework.

Carla said...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no-one who can read will ever succeed in dusting a bookshelf or clearing out an attic.

Unknown said...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the house is a shit tip!