Train of thoughtlessness

14.00 -"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Paddington station. Unfortunately all trains are cancelled due to an unforeseen fatality at Southall. "

I sit and wait, and listen to announcements and mobile conversations....

"No, tell Ann that some twat has thrown herself on the line. Yeah, I know, bloody inconsiderate, I'll be there late. Pie? Yeah great."

15.45 - "Ladies and gentlemen, the 14.05 to Penzance is ready to board. Even if you run like hell you don't stand a chance of a seat as we are going for the Guiness World record of packing as many of you into a confined place as we can. Please be patient and ignore the guy who stabs you with his umbrella because the only seat he's going to get is in the loo. "

16.00 - "This is the 14.05 and 15.05 bound for Penzance. For those of you squatting on the floor could you please make sure that you wrap up warm. We pride ourselves in not losing anyone to hypothermia."

"Mark? Yes, it's me, oh for fuck's sake! Yes, me. The train is late. Suicide, mm hmm. Well, listen then, it's not my fault you can't hear. I've got the wrong train, you'll have to pick me up at Taunton. Don't shout, if you leave now...."

16.45 - "This is the train manager speaking. The buffet car is now open but please don't think you are going to get anywhere near it as there are bodies everywhere. If you drum up a bit of Brit spirit you could get some sort of system going. Oh, and the coffee machine has packed up and the only sandwich left is cheese and something."

It is like trying sleep on the underground through the Blitz. Now all I need is for this lot to start singing - oh dear, spoke to soon.

"Shell? Shell? Aw, don't be like that. It was only one pint. I love you Shell, I love, aww don't put the phone down..."

"Shell? Yeah, s'mee, aww, don't say that, nah, don't say that, I love you."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the next station is Exeter. As most of you humans prefer to live on this side of the bridge those travelling to the depths of Cornwall may be lucky enough to find a seat, although don't hold out any hope as there are at least two hundred souls waiting to get on. Move!"

"Don't be ridiculous, I am squatting on the floor with some witch and her bag of shoes. I think she is trying to sleep on me. There is nowhere to plug the laptop in. Yes, I know, suicide, blocked all the lines out, too right I'll complain. At least get some money back."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know about you but I will be bloody glad to get home tonight. The unforeseen circumstance appears to have thrown us all into confusion and I have missed my home cooked ham and eggs. Oh, and British Rail apologises for the slight delay."



To the fatality at Southall - I hope you find the peace you were looking for.......

Bloggers extraordinaire

I'm still reeling from a truly fabulous weekend. As I've said before meeting fellow bloggers is a wonderful experience and this lot were the cream of the crop....

(John, Debi, Babs and Bill at Debi's in a pre-event wine gulp)

John opened the Pipe and Slippers event with some wonderful readings from 'Pomes, Older and Younger' (available from Opening Chapter, Amazon US and UK , or me).

Cool as a cucumber, Barbara then read from the fabulous 'Kairos' (available here).

Under the gold lame curtains of a south London pub these two wonderful poets and their books were set firmly on their path. It would be useless to say 'good luck' as they are both destined for great things.

Other fab type people included this lot.....

... a true delectation for a writer's soul.
Ricardo Garcia (below) - flamenco to inflame the senses.

And then it was over, too soon.

(L to R Linda, Bill, Debi, John and Emma)

If you haven't been involved in a blogmeetle before then I thoroughly recommend one. Putting a face to a writing voice is a fascinating experience and they are all absolutely gorgeous. I wouldn't have missed this one for the world and can't wait until we do the next one.

Off to Olde Smokey

Winging my way (well chuffing up the train track) to lovely London Town for a weekend of literary treats.

Have a good one - back Monday.

Is that a pen, or are you just pleased to see me?

Good, glad it's a pen because you'll need one.
Take note....

Peach is calling for submissions for a book. The book will be a Lulu.com joint blogging effort in aid of...


WARCHILD is a worthy cause helping children all over the world.

Peach says...

"We would like you to submit (to us at bloggersforcharity@yahoo.co.uk) a written piece about something you've been through from any aspect of your life that you want to share. It can literally be about anything: your relationships, your past, a road not taken, being a parent, an illness or your regrets etc. We've called it "You're Not The Only One" to reflect the camaraderie of blogging."

Go HERE for more details.

Mine is done, now where's yours?

Eblog

With a meet-up of bloggers imminently on the horizon (that's next Sunday, HERE), Pundy provoked my thoughts into wondering once again about the correlation of blogpersona to person (HERE).
With wonderful humour Pundy set about describing himself in adjectives that make suicide sound like a cheery option.

We are mostly hopeless at describing ourselves, apart from basic height and hair colour we seem to miss out the finer details because they seem to embarrass us. Some of us call ourselves writers so describing should come as naturally as conjuring a character - so why isn't it?
In trying to give a description I find that I am verging on painting most of the world's female population...

Eyes - dark blue
Height - 5'5" to 5'8" depending on boots
Hair - long, dark
Build - lumpy interior

Oh crap - useless, you wouldn't pick me out in a crowd of two.
In scanning through the small ads in the local paper I noticed that limiting the words seems to hone down description to a condensed minimum, so ...

For sale:-

Eclectic, bejewelled witch, prone to constant change and ribbons. Fairly lazy but with the right motivation will make an excellent addition to a party. Needs some work. £5.00

Your turn....

Please don't be mine - at least not with that plastic flower

Because I said everything that I wanted say about Valentine's Day last year, and because I am a lazy tart, I have re-posted my rant. Quite a few of you felt the same and if anyone has anything to add versewise this year - please be my anti-Valentine guest.....

Like Christmas, the hype that surrounds Valentine's Day really narks me. The shops are full of plastic flowers, nasty red things and cards that shout 'WIFE'. I don't want some over-priced chocolates in a heart shaped box, I don't want an edible bra, and you can forget it if you think I'm buying you a leopardskin thong with 'I'm horny' plastered all over it. Join me in a small protest by writing an anti-Valentine poem, or a few words about the whole over-commercialised sorry mess that has taken over a day that should be celebrated quietly with love. Only one rule - no syrup!
Roses are red
Poppies are too
and I need the opium
to keep me with you

Your turn...... and you had better try hard otherwise I will be forced to unleash my inner-sop and cover you with wet kisses! .

And here they come....

.

John said...

Nose is all red,

eyes black and blue,

sugary treats

end up in the loo.

Older, no wiser,

flabby and grey,

have a terrific

St. Valentine's day.

*

Debi said...

I love you

I love you not.

You are cold

And I am hot.

or

Quick, quick,

I'm gonna be sick

I'd rather have farts

Than more bloody hearts.

or

Bitter and twisted,

Yeah that's me,

Ugly inside and out.

But still too good,

That's understood,

Of that there is no doubt.

*

Shameless said...

.
If you loved me like you say,

then you'd want more of me,

so I'm going to eat and eat,

the dark and the milky ones,

to become gloriously fatter!

*

To My Second Wife
a very short poem by maht

You will never hold a candle
To the ashes on the mantle

*

Cailleach said...

He loves me

He loves me snot

He picks me

He picks me snot

*

Mutley, the disgustin' dog said...
Instead of just belching
I've taken up felching*
Its turned me quite gay
on St Valentines Day

*Look it up says the Mut (I did, and it is an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning 'flower arranging')

*

Roberta said...

Old and Married
.

Don't take me to dinner

The flowers will die

I won't eat the candy

so why even try?

.

We're older than dirt

We've been through this before

I won't wear a skirt

So there's the door

.

A card would be nice

But I won't keep it dearly

We'll have steak and a beer

and turn in early

.

You know I love you

I wash your socks...

and if you love me...

well a night off ROCKS!

*

Atyllah said...

Posies of roses

scented, unlike your toeses.

Heart-shaped chocs. OMG!

You snarfed the whole box!

Passion aflame

What? You've been on the game?!

So much for love

Bugger Valentine, it's time you got the shove.

*

Canterbury Soul said...
skimming ulysses
plagiarising shakespeare
weeping through clockwork orange
governing edgar allan poe’s temper
falling for big brother in 1984
guffawing with emily dickins
on celebrating valentine’s day .
they all don’t make sense

HERE'S 2008's offerings....

Gerov of my arse!
Don't steal you a kiss.
I'm tired and cranky,
who started all this?
I'm not your sweet mummie
or I'd raised you better.
Cripes, could you make
your kisses much wetter?
Your hands are all cold,
your breath and feet stink.
You ask if I love you...
What do you think??

from Leslie

gregra&gar said...

Cupid's not Santa
Sharing love all the year round
Now dna won, and now

trollop23 said...

Down with roses!
Phooey to Cupid!
Valentine's Day
is utterly stupid!

Nothingman said...

here are my two bits :P

"I sat there and cried
for your dead love
and I asked myself
are these tears real"

.

Ad-vice

"You really shouldn't smoke".
"I am barely steaming" I replied "Just watch it when I start to smoulder."

I was surprisingly annoyed at this woman who said her piece and walked away. After a hectic morning I was perched on the wall outside work topping up my nicotine levels - I wasn't bothering anyone. I object to someone catching me mid-vice.

Does this woman not have any vices? I could have told her that her mardy face irritated me or that she really shouldn't be seen in that dreadful coat and besides, I am sure that she has a prized collection of vices waiting at home for her.

The comments box of the last post was full of lazy-assed people regaling tales of happy slothfulness and I must admit I like my vices. They keep me going through the day and bring a little joy into my sorry, addicted life. I can probably cover most of the seven deadly sins (except I don't do jealousy) in a twenty-four hour period and any that I might have missed are happily added into my weekend programme.

I have tried to have guilt over my vices and sins but I am hopeless. I love a little wickedness in my life and surely I am not the only one who bit deep into the apple?

Blog report for the Inner Minx

English - grade B
Consistency is a worry, although occasionally showing signs of genius, these are in fact few and far between. Posts written late at night are barely legible and despite numerous detentions she continues to drop irrelevant and irreverent comments on serious blogs. See me.

Maths - grade F
Although able to tot up the price of two pairs of shoes and three new sweaters in under .00005 of a second, the Minx shows a complete lack of understanding of the concept of time.
The gaps between posts are unacceptable and should not be filled with gin.

Geography - grade C
A big improvement here which coincided with the addition of a little map in her site meter. Gave up on history - so still confused why most of America has English names.

IT - grade U
Abysmal - shown no improvement in computer skills at all. If she spent more time studying her blog than yammering on googletalk then she might know her bits from her bites.

Physical Education - N/A ('Not Allowed' - too dangerous)

Attendance - poor

Overall - So laid back that she is nearly horizontal - could do better, but probably won't.

***

Leslie has awarded me this....


so here are my list of 10 victims who are less lazy than me -

Sergeant Alper- who blogs of writing, rants and hair.

Vanilli - who looks at life from all sides now
Wifey oop north - a gentle tale of not fitting in
Pund - who is worse than me but I am trying to encourage him back!
Pants - queen of the House of Pants
Shameless - King Blog
Reading the Signs - smarty writer type
Vapours - who writes from the deepest part of the brain
Frank - who is not retiring! Phew.
The Carver - who has a very, very good book coming out!!!!

Caption me....

...go on, you know you want to!

Memery - a writerish meme

What is the last thing you wrote?
In the last five minutes? Nothing, I was making a cup of tea.
In the last hour? Five emails.
In the last 24 hours? 502 words of Natural Magick - not proud, not clever.
Was it any good?
The tea was good, the emails made some sort of sense and Dorcas Fleming is in some unholy shit!
What's the first thing you wrote and you still have?
Poetry/outpouring/rage against the machine - the darkness of it still scares me.
Write poetry? Angst?
Are you supposed to stop?
Favourite genre of writing?
Whatever takes my fancy but mostly science fantasy, although I have a problem with being boxed.
Most fun character you've ever created?
The cats in Coven of One/Natural magick. Zebulonus was a favourite but I have just added Gideon to Natural Magick, who speaks with a lisp and I think I am in love with him.
Most annoying character?
If they annoyed me I wouldn't write them. The only one I had a problem with was Dax Hoffman (The Diva Jaspari) who was in danger of turning into a twat. Think I saved his bacon.
Best plot?
The one I am working on at the time. It's a power trip - in there I am Queen of Fucking Everything - chop off his head!
Write fan fiction?
Never, and never will.
Type or write?
Type, but scribble in notebooks and odd pieces of paper, and envelopes, bills, newspapers and stamps.
Ever go back to an old idea?
What, you want to look in my files now? Yes, I do, I save everything, every half thought out idea, every non-starter sentence - you never know!
Favourite thing you've written?
Everything - for about ten minutes.
Do you show people your work?
If I like them. And it would be sort of stupid if I said no seeing that I write a blog and I have a book - so a couple of people have read me!
Did you ever write a novel?
Err, yes, several, well five to be precise - Capricorn Wind, The Geishan Kumiai, Orlandoe's Wager, Coven of One, The Diva Jaspari.
Natural Magick (a sequel to Coven) and The Mayanopan Codex are under construction.
Favourite setting for your characters?
Trick question? No, no, I know this one, it's the one they belong in, isn't it?
How many writing projects are you working on?
Four, no five - do I count editing projects? You're not very specific, are you?
Do you want to write for a living?
Is this a joke? Strangely I'm not laughing.
Ever written anything in script or play form?
No, yurk!
Five favourite words...
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Which character most resembles you?
All of them, I wrote them, stupid!
Where do you get your ideas for other characters?
The dead and the living!
Ever write things based on your dreams?
Writing is like dreaming, day dreams that evolve as you feed them. I like dreaming.
Do you favour happy endings, sad or cliff hangers?
Being English I should say 'sad', but I suppose it is whatever suits the plot. The ending is where I start and hopefully finish.
Ever written anything based on an artwork?
I drew a picture of an ice catamaran in school, Capricorn Wind was based on it.
Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Should I be? No one told me.
Ever write entirely in chatspeak?
Lol
Entirely in L337?
Wtf?
Does music help?
Help with what? The dishes?
Quote something you've written.

“Look mother they have a cat. I have always wanted a cat, especially a black one.”
With a shriek of delight, Issy followed the cat into the living room and Lilith followed her mother into the kitchen.
A large pot was bubbling on the range and there were four plates set at the table.
“You knew then.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t be much of a witch if I didn’t.”
“Keep your voice down mother.” Lilith said quietly “She knows nothing.”
“Well, that is obvious, didn’t even know she had a grandmother.” Dorcas tutted.
Lilith pulled out a chair, sat down heavily and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
“There is no need for tears, she can stay.”
“How did you know that I would ask?”
Dorcas snorted and Lilith nodded. The reasons she had left came flooding back in a tide of misery.

- extract from Natural Magick

Tagging -
Moon Topples - because he wants it bad.

Running away